The Perfect Pub

[Owen]

How would you kit out your perfect pub?

Starting with the obvious - there's got to be Big Screen TV for whatever footie happens to be on, with all the digital channels naturally.

A games room with darts, snooker and pool, speakers so that you can hear whats happening on the TV or radio on days when there's matches on.

A well stocked juke-box with no crap on it. Playing at such a level that you can easily hear your songs, but not so loud that you have to shout in the ear of the person next to you.

Loads of snacks including an inexhaustable supply of bacon fries and Staropramen / Budvar on tap.

And I haven't even mentioned table top dancers!

[lee]

all of that as well as free drinks and it's heaven!

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

Originally posted by Owen
How would you kit out your perfect pub?

Starting with the obvious - there's got to be Big Screen TV for whatever footie happens to be on, with all the digital channels naturally.

A games room with darts, snooker and pool, speakers so that you can hear whats happening on the TV or radio on days when there's matches on.

A well stocked juke-box with no crap on it. Playing at such a level that you can easily hear your songs, but not so loud that you have to shout in the ear of the person next to you.

Loads of snacks including an inexhaustable supply of bacon fries and Staropramen / Budvar on tap.

And I haven't even mentioned table top dancers!

Could life get any better? Well prehaps replace Staropramen/Badvar with Stella/Becks on tap.

[Jack]

One that serves decent pub grub as well. Also it should have a fixed music schedule - Live Music on Thursday, Jukebox on Friday, DJ on Saturday and Sunday not blasting loud though.

There should be a yard glass available as well for anyway who wants a challenge. Air conditioning is a must. There should be a huge bar with a fair few staff to get rid of queues.

The old pissheads who are there all day should be given their own section as well to get out of the way.

[lee]

thats me sat on my own out of the way then!

[theodorewhitmore]

Originally posted by lee
thats me sat on my own out of the way then!

fink i'll be joining ya - quick light up a pipe and fetch me a pint of stout

[Daz]

One vital ingredient is missing, it has to be non-smoking! There's nothing worse than coming home from a night in the pub and u stink of cigarette smoke, your eyes hurt and your throat tastes like you've smoked a packet of 30. :mad:

[theodorewhitmore]

i'll put me pipe out then shall i daz ;)

[Owen]

Originally posted by Daz
One vital ingredient is missing, it has to be non-smoking! There's nothing worse than coming home from a night in the pub and u stink of cigarette smoke, your eyes hurt and your throat tastes like you've smoked a packet of 30. :mad:

Thats why you need air-conditioning or at least decent ventilation. I wouldn't stop people from smoking in a pub.

One thing I forgot is a beer garden for sunny days.

[crstig]

Originally posted by Daz
One vital ingredient is missing, it has to be non-smoking! There's nothing worse than coming home from a night in the pub and u stink of cigarette smoke, your eyes hurt and your throat tastes like you've smoked a packet of 30. :mad:

Ideal Pub not chreche!

[Daz]

Smoking just filthy, most smokers are inconsiderate and only give a damn about themselves, I can't think of a more selfish and life threatening habit.

[Jack]

I'd have a smoking area. The beer gardens a good call.

[Jack]

Originally posted by 3rd January 1988


Could life get any better? Well prehaps replace Staropramen/Badvar with Stella/Becks on tap.

Stella/Kroenenbourg id go for.

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

Smoking of any substance in all areas would be essential for the perfect pub.

[Jack]

Originally posted by 3rd January 1988
Smoking of any substance in all areas would be essential for the perfect pub.

Definately. There should also be an in-house roller employed to assist the uncapable. :laugh:

[super white]

Originally posted by Daz
most smokers are inconsiderate and only give a damn about themselves,

that could quite possibly be the most stupid thing I have ever read in my life. :rolleyes:

[Daz]

Really? Well if this isn't you then obviously you've nothing to worry about but please tell me what is considerate about smoking while people are eating in restaurant, smoking beside young children, smoking while pregnant, throwing down cigarettes which are still lit, throwing lit cigs out of car windows, smoking in people's cars...... I could go on :mad:

[crstig]

I can quite honestly say I have never smoken while pregnant!

[super white]

Restaurants have smoking and non smoking areas. Personally I wouldnt smoke at all while someone I'm with is eating - I think that's horrible, but if people sit in a smoking area then they have no right to complain if someone on the next table sparks up.

Smoking beside young children and while pregnant? Well people who smoke while they're pregnant are jsut plain stupid, but most smokers would give up whlie pregnant. And does that mean you think no parents at all should smoke?

Throwing down cigarettes which are still lit? What else do you expect people to do with them? Put them out with their fingers first?

Smoking in cars? People only smoke in cars where they've got permission, and that would usually only be in a car where the person who owns it is also a smoker. I don't see how that is inconsiderate.

I'm not condoning smoking or anything, but saying that "most smokers only give a damn about themselves" is just plain stupid.

[K@mpso]

Totally agree Daz!!

Filthy habit and the majority of smokers are soooo inconsiderate and selfish.:mad:

Does this pub have a spitoon for them?

[super white]

I don't understand how you can say the majority of smokers are inconsiderate and selfish. Does this mean you wouldnt wanna know someone who smokes? Reguardless of their personality?

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

The pub will ban anybody who complains about smoking.

[Daz]

There should be no smoking in restaurants full stop! Can people really not go for an hour or two without a cig? Even if they can't I don't see why I should have to suffer and be stinking of their rotten smoke.

Balls, I see a lot of women pregnant and smoking and as for children, whether they are yours or not you shouldn't smoke around them. My brother and his wife smoke a lot and I pity their poor 8 year old, she must have lungs like a 28yr old. Why should she have to endure their filthy habit?

If you light a cigarette then it's your problem sorting out how to put it out. Places like shopping centres have special ash trays, I'm sure you can get portable ones or wotever but it's not my problem. Take Sunday for instance, I was walking into a shopping centre when this guy in front of me came out of the entrace, threw down an almost complete ciggy, still lit and walked back in again. Now some kid could've came along and picked it up, got burnt, maybe even tried to smoke it not to mention the fire hazard it is, unbelievable.

Permission my ass, typical smokers just light up and assume no one notices never mind cares.

I'm sorry but your response just highlights the typical response of a smoker, you don't give a monkeys and so long as you get your pleasure from it you don't give a toss about anyone else.

[The Game]

Totally agree with you, Daz!

[K@mpso]

Originally posted by super white
I don't understand how you can say the majority of smokers are inconsiderate and selfish. Does this mean you wouldnt wanna know someone who smokes? Reguardless of their personality?

Well put it this way - I wouldn't want to live in the same house as a smoker.

[Daz]

Originally posted by super white
I don't understand how you can say the majority of smokers are inconsiderate and selfish. Does this mean you wouldnt wanna know someone who smokes? Reguardless of their personality?

Did I say that? :rolleyes: My mum smokes, I don't have a problem with that until she smokes around me and my children, then I find it highly offensive and ignorant. At my wedding I got my best man (my brother who then smoked) to stand up and tell everyone that during the meal the bride and groom requested that no one smoked, the look of disgust on the smokers faces was a sight to behold.

[crstig]

Don't you just love it when we all get together and mutually mass debate!

[Mr Sinistero]

My mum quit when she got pregnant with me and hasnt smoked one since. :D

[Daz]

Good for her.

[crstig]

Anyone who wants to drink in the pub must smoke at least 10 cigarettes while on the premises!

[super white]

Originally posted by Daz
There should be no smoking in restaurants full stop! Can people really not go for an hour or two without a cig? Even if they can't I don't see why I should have to suffer and be stinking of their rotten smoke.

That's a fair enough point. I'm a smoker and can't stand people smoking round me whilst I'm eating, but if I'm out for a meal or whatever, I do like a cig after I've eaten. However, it doesn't bother me where we're sat or anything coz I'd invariably move away from the table anyway coz most of my mates are non smokers.

Balls, I see a lot of women pregnant and smoking and as for children, whether they are yours or not you shouldn't smoke around them. My brother and his wife smoke a lot and I pity their poor 8 year old, she must have lungs like a 28yr old. Why should she have to endure their filthy habit?

so because you see pregnant women smoking and your brother smokes round his kis all smokers are inconsiderate?

Permission my ass, typical smokers just light up and assume no one notices never mind cares.

That's rubbish. If I want to smoke and I'm in a new place or with new people I would never just tap up, and I don't know anyone who would. Admittedly most of the people I know who smoke are younger, or my friends parents, coz none of my family smoke, but the only persons house where I will smoke inside is my friends boyfriends - coz he's smokes in there himself. Anyone elses house, I wouldnt smoke inside even if theysaid I could. Another example is when we were in the pub before the match the other week and my parents came over to talk to us. One of my brothers mates asked my parents in a pub if they minded him smoking, simply because they were stood near him. How rude and selfish of him :rolleyes:

I'm sorry but your response just highlights the typical response of a smoker, you don't give a monkeys and so long as you get your pleasure from it you don't give a toss about anyone else.

I dont give a toss bout anyone else? Sorry but I am a considerate smoker, as are most of the smokers I know. And smoking does not reflect on someone's personality, I would be the exact same person whether I smoke or not, as would everyone you know.

[Daz]

I can see your point however, you think of the amount of ppl you know who don't smoke. I seriously think if you opened a bar and its gimmick was no smoking it'd be a big hit.

[super white]

Originally posted by Daz


Did I say that? :rolleyes:

No, you said the majority o smoekrs were selfish and inconsiderate. I just thought you probably wouldn't want to know people with personality traits such as those.

At my wedding I got my best man (my brother who then smoked) to stand up and tell everyone that during the meal the bride and groom requested that no one smoked, the look of disgust on the smokers faces was a sight to behold.

But I bet they respected your wishes right? How inconsiderate.

[super white]

Originally posted by Daz
I can see your point however, you think of the amount of ppl you know who don't smoke. I seriously think if you opened a bar and its gimmick was no smoking it'd be a big hit.

I can't agree with you there because in a group of friends there will usually be one or two who smoke. Thus the whole group of friends will go to a smoking bar.

[Daz]

Super I never said anywhere that ALL smokers behave the same, however, the majority do.

You just admitted you smoke after a meal, how disgusing is that? Yet again a smoker is ignorant, do you really think the smoke just sits there and that no one in the non smoking area can't notice it? Yeah right :rolleyes:

Your brother probably only asked cos he's afraid to smoke in front of your mum and dad full stop. I bet normally in a pub he doesn't ask the stranger next to him do they mind yet are they less of a person than your parents? I think not.

Considerate and smoker rarely go together, I think you've clearly demonstrated that fact.

[Daz]

Originally posted by super white


I can't agree with you there because in a group of friends there will usually be one or two who smoke. Thus the whole group of friends will go to a smoking bar.

:rolleyes: this is like talking to my 4 yr old only I'd get a more intelligent response. Sorry, a smoking bar? So you're telling me there are non-smoking bars in your area?

[super white]

Originally posted by Daz

You just admitted you smoke after a meal, how disgusing is that? Yet again a smoker is ignorant, do you really think the smoke just sits there and that no one in the non smoking area can't notice it? Yeah right :rolleyes:

I also said that I would move away from the table and go to the bar to smoke, away from all the tables.

Your brother probably only asked cos he's afraid to smoke in front of your mum and dad full stop. I bet normally in a pub he doesn't ask the stranger next to him do they mind yet are they less of a person than your parents? I think not.
not my brother, my brothers friend, who doesnt care aout smoking in front of my parents, he jsut knows they dont like smoking and thought he'd ask. He wouldnt ask a stranger he was just stood next to no, not many people would, but if he were stood talking to someone he didnt know he would defeinitely ask before smoking, as would most people.

Considerate and smoker rarely go together, I think you've clearly demonstrated that fact.

So when I smoke I'm not being considerate? Despite the fact I don't smoke round children, don't smoke when or near people eating, don't smoke in peoples cars or houses where they dont smoke themselves, and would ask someone I was with if they minded if I smoked?

[super white]

Originally posted by Daz


:rolleyes: this is like talking to my 4 yr old only I'd get a more intelligent response. Sorry, a smoking bar? So you're telling me there are non-smoking bars in your area?

no :confused: I was replying to your point where you said if you opened a non smoking bar it would be a big hit. I was pointing out why I didn't think it would be.

[Daz]

Originally posted by super white
I also said that I would move away from the table and go to the bar to smoke, away from all the tables.

And of course that smoke just turns into a nice smelling fragrance :rolleyes:

I bet you smoke when you're out clubbing, I'm sure the non-smokers just think the world of you.

[K@mpso]

They have no consideration for themselves so how do you expect them to have any for anyone else?

I hope the Chancellor sticks another few quid on each packet in the Budget!!! They must cost about £4 a packet now do they so say 20 a day thats £28 per week and near to £1,500 per year.

:rolleyes:

[Daz]

So why then did you say smoking bar ?

[The Game]

Originally posted by Daz


And of course that smoke just turns into a nice smelling fragrance :rolleyes:


:laugh: :laugh:

[super white]

Originally posted by Daz
So why then did you say smoking bar ?

to differentiate between the bar you had proposed, a "non-smoking bar", and an already existing bar, a "smoking bar".

[crstig]

Look, I didn't come to the perfect pub, to listen to you lot whinge at each other, smokers in the far corner non-smokers in the near!

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

I'll have a pint of Stella and a pack of dry roasted please landlord!

[James_F]

Can this pub have Carling Premier :drool: on tap please?

[K@mpso]

Originally posted by crstig
Look, I didn't come to the perfect pub, to listen to you lot whinge at each other, smokers in the far corner non-smokers in the near!

Personally I blame Owen for all these arguements. He's banned from the pub!!! :biggrin2:

[The Game]

Originally posted by crstig
Look, I didn't come to the perfect pub, to listen to you lot whinge at each other, smokers in the far corner non-smokers in the near!

*Moves to the near*

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

of course it can Jim! Its a perfect pub!

[Daz]

Oh Super, I get ya. Well I know if I was to open such a bar tomorrow I'd get loads of publicity from the local media, that alone would ensure the bar would be a success at least in the short term. But I really think you underestimate the idea, people put up with smoking in bars cos they have no choice.

[James_F]

Originally posted by 3rd January 1988
of course it can Jim! Its a perfect pub! :dance:

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

It also has a fruit machine that you don't lose on!:)

[Owen]

Originally posted by Kampso


Personally I blame Owen for all these arguements. He's banned from the pub!!! :biggrin2:

I'm the landlord dammit!!

[The Game]

Originally posted by 3rd January 1988
It also has a fruit machine that you don't lose on!:)

My mate would like that idea :dance:

[super white]

is this pub gonna have bouncers on the door to keep out all the riff raff? Coz if so how did The Game creep in? ;)

And if it's such a perfect pub are all the drinks free or something?

[Daz]

How about some loose women that you don't want you to buy them drinks all night before they'll get into the sack with u?

[The Game]

This pub is no smoking, so :salute:

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

I'm gonna put some tunes on! Any requests?

[Daz]

Originally posted by The Game


My mate would like that idea :dance:

You have a mate? :eek:

[Daz]

Originally posted by 3rd January 1988
I'm gonna put some tunes on! Any requests?

Pinto wants to get his rocks off to Rock DJ

[The Game]

:laugh: I made him up ;)

[K@mpso]

Originally posted by Owen


I'm the landlord dammit!!

Feck - and a startling resemblence to Peggy Mitchell there is too. :D ;)

Does this pub have communal bogs btw - cos I just seen 3rd Jan 1988 and pompey girl going into the same cubicle. :eek: :laugh:

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

Originally posted by The Game
This pubs is no smoking, so :salute:

no its not! Your allowed to smoke anything you like in this pub, and if you don't like it STAY OUT!:salute:

[Owen]

I usually start the night odd with The Jam - Down In The Tube Station or Thats Entertainment. The we'll have Baba O'Reilly and some Stones please.

[Daz]

Even beef? If thats the case then Super White will no doubt be chief puffer :D

[super white]

Originally posted by 3rd January 1988


no its not! Your allowed to smoke anything you like in this pub, and if you don't like it STAY OUT!:salute:

:clap:

Or do us all a favour and stay out anyway.

[super white]

Originally posted by Daz
Even beef? If thats the case then Super White will no doubt be chief puffer :D

smoking beef? :confused:

[TheGull]

Nah no smoking... its gotta be. Completely! No point in having a No Smoking Section... smoke can't read the signs.

Mine's a pint of Fosters Amber please.

[Daz]

:laugh:

[The Game]

Originally posted by 3rd January 1988


no its not! Your allowed to smoke anything you like in this pub, and if you don't like it STAY OUT!:salute:

Anything I like? :smokin: :smokin:

[James_F]

As long as there's no bum smoking going on.

[crstig]

Originally posted by Owen
I usually start the night odd with The Jam - Down In The Tube Station or Thats Entertainment. The we'll have Baba O'Reilly and some Stones please.

Sounds like a good start add to that some Oasis, stone roses and small faces, shut the non smokers up and we are in for a good night!

[super white]

bum smoking? :confused:

[Daz]

Originally posted by super white
bum smoking? :confused:

is Super White convincing to any of us here? like she's never smoked beef or bum b4 :laugh:

[The Game]

:laugh: :laugh:

[super white]

To be honest with you I probably have done it, but I'm not sure what smoking beef or bum is. Enlighten me s'il vous plait? :confused:

[great white]

Any chance of a lock in????

[Officer_Dibble]

Whoever said beer garden - full marks! We were in one today as it was really nice, shirt sleeves pint of Fosters on a bench grass all around, sun beating down....Refreshing!!!!

As for the smoking debate...I am a firm non smoker due to my asthma and some of my mates are smokers. Usually in more enclosed spaces they will ask if i mind, and usually i don't and on nights out in pubs/clubs i really am not too keen on the smoky atmosphere...is it actually having a direct effect on me? :confused: But I aint gonna stop em, thats life really. No way could you have a non smoking pub....unfortunately, but at the end of the day thats life..

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

Originally posted by great white
Any chance of a lock in????

eerrr in Owen's obsense I'm no really sure!





















what the hell go on then!:D

[great white]

Free beer
:dance: :dance: :cheers: :cheers: :smokin:


someones nicked me mum..have to go find another signature can do that tomorrow....right then lets get the party going.......while landlords away locals will play......wheres the fag machine then???

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

No free beer here tonight!

If you wanna drink you gotta pay I'm afraid.

[super white]

no free beer? :(

Je suis tres skint :(

erm...... can i be the bar maid for tonite then? I've done it before :D

[great white]

Originally posted by super white
no free beer? :(

Je suis tres skint :(

erm...... can i be the bar maid for tonite then? I've done it before :D

Only if three lagers two bitters one guiness and 3 packs of ham and mustard crisps comes to £2.57.......

[super white]

£2.57? Don't be daft! I'll let you have that little lot for £0.36

And one for myself? double vodka and orange thanks :D

[great white]

Show me yer tits and I'll get you a quadruple..........:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Pity pompey girl ain't old enuff to drink...........:bounce: :bounce:

[super white]

pity she aint old enough? why? were u planning on getting her drunk and having your wicked way or something? ;)

[great white]

Originally posted by super white
pity she aint old enough? why? were u planning on getting her drunk and having your wicked way or something? ;)

Moi...jamais.....but think I have got her pissed in a different way on another thread;)

[Mr Sinistero]

Like being of age matters.

I'll have a JD and coke and meet someone over at the pool table for a few games of 9 ball.

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

Can't believe how dead it is this morning in here! I'll have a JD and coke in a tall glass with lots of ice.

[Mr Sinistero]

I think i'll join ya in that mate, i'll go one of the same thanks barkeep.

[K@mpso]

3rd Jan - Did you ever get round to wiping the security tapes of you and pompey girl going into the communal stalls together?

[K@mpso]

And whose nuts are those that have been crushed into the carpet? :eek:

[Mr Sinistero]

sorry, some dopey bugger tried to order a glass of water, had to teach him a lesson.

[crstig]

Hair of the dog please boss, went a bit over board last night!

[lee]

hangover then is it

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

Originally posted by Kampso
3rd Jan - Did you ever get round to wiping the security tapes of you and pompey girl going into the communal stalls together?

I haven't, must do it now

[lee]

hey, hey enlighten me! what's this all about then?

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

Originally posted by lee
hangover then is it

OUT! Over 18's only!

[Daz]

:rolleyes:

[Mr Sinistero]

Why, this being the perfect pub we can put them in their little play pen out the back with some crappy cheap wine.

[lee]

and then throw keith in there as well?

[crstig]

:eek: I have just seen the security tape :eek:

I new Pompey fans were weird but Eeuughhh, where did you find that fish?

[lee]

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

I thought I told you to get out!

[lee]

i only wanted a coke with ice!!!

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

thats alright then, will that be pepsi or coke?

[lee]

whatever, i'm not fussed. oh, and don't forget the ice and lemon!!

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

Whats up with this place? Its dead!

[lee]

i know, nobody is messaging anymore

[super white]

I'm here now, didn't wanna pop in this morning - sign of alcoholism that u know, drinking in the morning.

Anywayz - I'm starting off light today - long evening/night ahead of me and don't wanna get too drunk before I even go out do I.

I'll have a pint of Fosters please :D

[crstig]

I'll get that, and can I have a large JD and Coke!

[Jack]

Ill have a malibu and milk please. What, no milk ? Usless ****s. Ill have a pint of Stella then.

[super white]

waddya mean no milk? There's oads in the fridge in case anyone asks for a PS I Love You cocktail, which by the way I am tres skilled at making. Altho I put a bit too much baileys in than wot is normally required.

[Mr Sinistero]

i'm ****ed, can soemone prop me up near the cleanest toilet

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

For anyone interested we have free pool and free tunes until eight O'clock and the next rounds on me!

[super white]

hmmm, I'll have another pint please, sticking to my no spirits til 7pm rule today.

Or should I be a bit more feminine and have a white wine spritzer?

[The Game]

I'll have an orange juice.

[Mr Sinistero]

nah, who wants to be feminine, only got me some guy named bubba sending me letters every other week

[ourkid]

fizzy lime and bailey's.. dare ya!

[super white]

that sounds absolutely revolting

u ever had it?

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

Originally posted by The Game
I'll have an orange juice.

with what? Only drinks with alcohol in are sold after 3pm

[super white]

Originally posted by 3rd January 1988


with what? Only drinks with alcohol in are sold after 3pm

I like this pub :D

[The Game]

Originally posted by 3rd January 1988


with what? Only drinks with alcohol in are sold after 3pm

Vodka and orange then ;)

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

Done! That'll be £1.70 please.

[Mr Sinistero]

or $4.40 at the impy here

[The Game]

Originally posted by 3rd January 1988
Done! That'll be £1.70 please.

*Passes a £5 note over*

[great white]

Not too late am I guv??....Christ mare of a day that was so much post to read and the missus babbling on bout stuff....I'll have a jug of Kronie and to start things off a Babys Brain....if you would be so kind.......

[Officer_Dibble]

Is the beer garden still open? If this was the perfect pub it would be nice and warm outside still, but not sweaty weather like durin the day.And then theres all the moonlight reflections of the water feature and all that stuff...

Anyways Just got in from Bank Holiday work I need a pint! Fosters please! And I got ID now too so don't even ask my age ;)

[great white]

And I got ID now too so don't even ask my age

I'm the bouncer on the door tonight mate!!!........nice scanned ID.......now bug off:salute:

[Cjm24]

My ideal pub would have the following:

Large screen with Sky and Itv Digital(prob not for much longer)
Jukebox
Pool table
Darts board
2 Fruit machines with 25 quid jackpot
Quiz machine a la Who wants to be a millionaire or Hangman
Beer garden
Food served all day
Disco Dj Fri and Sat evening with late licence
Happy hour at selected times
Carling,Carling Premier and Fosters on Draught.

[ecfc girl]

Please could I book a table for Sunday roast, at 1 o'clock, as I can't be bothered to cook today?

[great white]

Originally posted by gail
Please could I book a table for Sunday roast, at 1 o'clock, as I can't be bothered to cook today?
Sorry Madam we are fully booked.......

[Officer_Dibble]

Originally posted by great white


I'm the bouncer on the door tonight mate!!!........nice scanned ID.......now bug off:salute:

No meaning I just turned 18! :rolleyes:
Never used fake ID in my life. its dirty.

[Swansea Til I die]

I need 2 catch up here....

1) Dirty old men who have been drinkin since opening r very funny especially when they try to come on to a club with u :eek:

2) I personally dont smoke, and i dont like it, but i really have no problem whatsoever with being in smoky environments. U cant have a non smokey pub - its against all the rules


anyway.... u said something about a late license? Its 11:45, so i assume you are still serving. Could i have a pint of strongbow and a packet of salt and vinegar crisps please. Oh and some change for the juke box

Oooooooooooooh we're half way there
ooooooo oooooooo living on a prayer
take my hand we'll make it i swear......................

[The Game]

anyway.... u said something about a late license? Its 11:45, so i assume you are still serving. Could i have a pint of strongbow and a packet of salt and vinegar crisps please. Oh and some change for the juke box

No you can't. 3rd Jan isn't here tonight, it's his night off. No go away!

[Swansea Til I die]

I'll start a brawl in a minute :mad:

[The Game]

:moon:

[Swansea Til I die]

careful mate :eek: put your arse away - Slimref is [ahem] coming in soon ;)

[The Game]

Originally posted by Swansea Til I die
careful mate :eek: put your arse away - Slimref is [ahem] coming in soon ;)

:laugh: :laugh:

Bring him in the back way through the double doors. I doubt he can fit through front ones ;)

[great white]

Oooooooooooooh we're half way there

Getting into early Bon Jovi stuff are we.....jesus when you gonna lay me down on a bed of roses.......

[Swansea Til I die]

On the juke box in the pub we go 2 it comes on all the time because even if u dont select it, cos the juke box is dodgey it comes on.

I havent explained myself very well have i? :confused:

[Jack]

Great White - how come........you........always type like.......this ?

[great white]

Cos.....cos......cos...I got a.....f...f......f....fûckin stutter...problem with that ???

[great white]

Originally posted by Swansea Til I die
On the juke box in the pub we go 2 it comes on all the time because even if u dont select it, cos the juke box is dodgey it comes on.

I havent explained myself very well have i? :confused:

I understand......but then if you are drinking in a pub that still has Bon Jovi's rock anthem Living on a Prayer being played...I would a)change pub very quickly
b)trash the jukebox and ceremonially snap the disc into several pieces

Please don't tell me you have a JBJ mullet.......

[Swansea Til I die]

nah its a cool choon

[Jack]

Originally posted by great white
Cos.....cos......cos...I got a.....f...f......f....fûckin stutter...problem with that ???

Use it to your advantage, gareth gates did.

[great white]

Originally posted by Jack


Use it to your advantage, gareth gates did.
Infact I was gonna post everthing in big letters like this so everybody could read them as well.....Big letters and spaces reckon you jacks could handle that???

[Swansea Til I die]

Put in a few 'baaaaaaas' (get the pun? ;)) and we'll be right at home thanks :)

[great white]

Bonne nuit:wave:

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

For anyone interested there will a lock-in tonight until 3am

[andytomson]

i cant b ****ed 2 read past posts but here is my idea of the perfect pub.

1) 1 or 2 fit blondes behind the bar
2) a pool table
3) a freindly manager or manageress so u can have an over night drinkin session ;) :p
4) a huge bar so u dont have 2 wait ages 4 ur pint. (k so u might need a few more blonde's but who care's!)
5) decent music played at all times
6) big screen is vital 4 footie matches
7) a place where old people can not enter! ;) :laugh:
8) a device thingy that means u dont have 2 change the barrel when the levels r low! (that wastes valuable drinkin time when it needs changin c)
9) a comfy seat 4 two :D
10) n just where u can hav a laugh when ur down :)

now that would b perfect :D

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

Originally posted by andytomson
i cant b ****ed 2 read past posts but here is my idea of the perfect pub.

1) 1 or 2 fit blondes behind the bar
2) a pool table
3) a freindly manager or manageress so u can have an over night drinkin session ;) :p
4) a huge bar so u dont have 2 wait ages 4 ur pint. (k so u might need a few more blonde's but who care's!)
5) decent music played at all times
6) big screen is vital 4 footie matches
7) a place where old people can not enter! ;) :laugh:
8) a device thingy that means u dont have 2 change the barrel when the levels r low! (that wastes valuable drinkin time when it needs changin c)
9) a comfy seat 4 two :D
10) n just where u can hav a laugh when ur down :)

now that would b perfect :D

1) SuperWhite has voluteered
2) indeed it does
3) well thats me
4) the bars big enough
5) we have a free dukebox full of good music
6) big screen we have
7) we have a corner for old people
8) i'll invest in one
9) we have lazyboys everywhere
10) its a constant barrell of laughs in here

[Jack]

Another suggestion - a weekly residence of topless barmaids. Ive heard of pubs that do it but never visited one. Should be a good laugh ordering as well if your drinking your lager in jugs.

[andytomson]

Originally posted by Jack
Another suggestion - a weekly residence of topless barmaids. Ive heard of pubs that do it but never visited one. Should be a good laugh ordering as well if your drinking your lager in jugs.

i i, n we all beleive that u havent been 2 one of these! lol

[Jack]

I wish i had mate. :D

[great white]

Originally posted by 3rd January 1988
For anyone interested there will a lock-in tonight until 3am

Oh good...Midday start Wednesday.....can I leave me coat in crustys corner..will be back for it later....by the way landlord how did the domino and cribbage teams do on sunday night........couldn't make it was in a Karoake bar!!! with a bunch half me age....totally sozzed was I....no madame in tow either.....good to see I can still pull.....then tell them the truth.....bugger that hurt though....

[Mr Sinistero]

Hope you got a good stage area and stuff cause me and my band are coming in tonight for a big time performance.

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

Very quiet in here today. At this rate I'll have to close the perfect pub down.

[super white]

I'm here. still drinking and nowhere near as bad as i was last nite. Funny though. I'll have a port and blue WKD pleasew. Never drunk it myself but everyone from work says its gorgeous so I'm gonna try it.Thankyou

[slimref]

Originally posted by super white
[B. I'll have a port and blue WKD please[/B]

i tried it last week on a night out and it was yummy - alcoholic vimto in a glass... nuff said ;)

[super white]

Thats wot everyone was saying - that it tasted like vimto. It sounds not nice but if it tates like vimto im gonn give it a try some time.

[James_F]

Thats a rather confusing comment.

Can i have a pint of Carling Premier please? Oh, have we discussed what your prices are? I'm hoping northern prices or even cheaper.

Whens happy hour?

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

Its always happy hour James. A Carling Premier can be £1.50

[James_F]

Superb. I might stay all day, beats work.

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

I'll have to join yer if the new barmaid comes in today.

[great white]

Originally posted by 3rd January 1988
I'll have to join yer if the new barmaid comes in today.
Who dat den???

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

I'm really sorry but The Perfect Pub will be closing down tonight. As a closing down special beer will be free all night!

[Mr Sinistero]

Fair enough.

Can i get a schooner of coke thanks.

[James_F]

i'll 'av a BEEER please mate

[The Game]

I want some chips. Brown sauce as well please.

[great white]

Originally posted by 3rd January 1988
I'm really sorry but The Perfect Pub will be closing down tonight. As a closing down special beer will be free all night! ......

Can I have that 22 gallon Kronie barrel in the cellar then??..... and can I nick all the ashtrays aswell??

[Swansea Til I die]

Whys the perfect pub closing down?

Can i buy it off you 3rd Jan? Take it off ur hands like.

PM me 2 discuss a price ;)

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

It closing down cos' nobody wants to drink in here anymore. The last punter I had was on Friday and just can't live like that. If you want it, its yours for nothing STID! Best of English Luck

[Swansea Til I die]

Cool. I will try and make a success of it.

And I am gonna make it somewhere where peoples mental age is all that matters. I.e if ur under 18 but will behave u can drink here. If ur over 18 and a twat u can get out :D

Oh and Great white, we may have had our differences mate, but i want 2 put them behind us. Have the 1st few pints on me :D

[Jack]

Serving after hours. A great start to the new ownership. :cool:

[Swansea Til I die]

after hours? what does that mean. My pub is gonna remain open 24hrs a day :D

It will be covered in football memorabilia, and when live games arent on, there will be classic match highlights

Anyone else want anymore changes?

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

Originally posted by Swansea Til I die
Anyone else want anymore changes?

You haven't mentioned that 3rd Jan gets free booze!:)

[Swansea Til I die]

Yeah, in return for the ownership of the pub passing over to me :D

Pint, is it mate? :cheers:

[great white]

Originally posted by Swansea Til I die


Oh and Great white, we may have had our differences mate, but i want 2 put them behind us. Have the 1st few pints on me :D

Well thank you kind sir....(handshake)...so that will be a Kronie to start with then......maybe I'll bring a couple of mates with me next time to have a good night out.......hope your not thinking of karoake nights though!!!!......by the way you didn't happen to find a coat I left here last week did ya??...was a present from madame she'll be gutted.......

[Swansea Til I die]

We may do some themed nights soon, but not definatly Karaoke.

Ur in luck, i DID find your coat. Nice it was too. Its behind the bar at the moment. Unfortunatly i took all the money.. err i mean its in the till erm What money?

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

Pint of your finest please landlord!

[great white]

I'll get that one mate......

So what's it like not having the stress of running a pub now then??

[Swansea Til I die]

tomorrow will be a 70s night in the perfect pub :D

Booze will be 1/2 price, except for ladyboy drinks so that the homosexuals wont want to come ;)

[great white]

It's fun to stay in the YMCA...fun to stay in the YMCA....

got footie tomorrow night...so might not make it.....depends if the heart can take it and nobody kicks me........is downing a can of beer and having a fag whilst between the sticks deemed a bookable offence??....I AM DAVID SEAMANS ALTER EGO............:bounce: :bounce:......

Whens the Moulin Rouge theme night then??

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

Originally posted by great white
I'll get that one mate......

So what's it like not having the stress of running a pub now then??

A little boring really! I just have more time to booze now. I'll have a JD & coke please Andy and whatever Great White is drinking.

[Swansea Til I die]

Friday is lesbian night, when the pints will be more expensive in order to stop the Dykes from coming.

The girly drinks will be free to attract fit lesbos to the pub

I recommend that unless u want to drink alcho pops etc, u get pissed before u come.

It will be one hell of a night lads :D

[Swansea Til I die]

oh incidentally, Blokes are allowed in on Lesbo night, but straight women arent. They have 2 prove that their not straight on the door by shagging our lesbo, sorry bi-sexual barmaids :drool:

They then have 2 prove that they would be up for some 3 in a bed action involving 2 women and a bloke. Now, as we only want the top wuality birds at my pub, i will personally test all the fit ones out.

The ugly ones will be sent to the kitchen to wash the glasses etc.

Keyrings, pens and Videos 2 commemorate the night are available on the way out.

C ya there 2morrow night :D




Andy, JD and coke is free remember cos u gave me the pub, and so is G_W's kronie as i owe him a few. Put your money away son :)

[great white]

Originally posted by 3rd January 1988


A little boring really! I just have more time to booze now. I'll have a JD & coke please Andy and whatever Great White is drinking.

I'll have a pint....never mix it...start on one stay with it....so you been binging tonight then....3rd of.....

Dykes nite....could be interesting that one:laugh: :laugh:

You looking for any bouncers......landlord.....very cheap me

[Swansea Til I die]

have u got any references?

[great white]

Originally posted by Swansea Til I die
have u got any references?

Only 3 broken noses.need a fourth to put it back into shape and a natural left foot...most expect the gonad kick/knee to come from the right.......surprise...surprise.....not a dirty player me just efficient.....

[Swansea Til I die]

Well to be honest mate, if u want it the job is yours

Welcome aboard :)

[great white]

Let's get this pub rocking:bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

Is Bon Jovi still on the juke box??

Whoooooooooooooooh we're half way there.........

[red army]

http://www.digitallaughter.com/sounds/kitty.ram

[crstig]

Originally posted by great white
is downing a can of beer and having a fag whilst between the sticks deemed a bookable offence??.


Someone got sent off for eating a bacon and egg McMuffin in the Isle of Wight Sunday League once, it was in the Daily Star!

[super white]

not going to be able to make it lesbian night meself :(

but ill have a Smirnoff Ice while I'm here please.

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

Originally posted by super white
but ill have a Smirnoff Ice while I'm here please.

i'll get that for you Helen!

[heavydaftie]

Originally posted by great white
Is Bon Jovi still on the juke box??
Na, my song just came on. Queen with 'We are the champions'. Right, where's my Guinness? :)

[super white]

Originally posted by 3rd January 1988
I'll get that for you Helen

why thankyou :D

*adopts casual like pose leaning against the bar*

"so, do you come here often?" ;)

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

I'm part of the furniture.:)

[slimref]

my first time here - hi all..

Got Strongbow on tap??

I'm big quiz night fan - got any soon??

[Mr Sinistero]

Sorry bout the noise i made during the united game last night, and i'll pay for the chair i put into the wall when beckham was tackled :D

Anyway, just a schooner of coke for me thanks.

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

Thirsty work this, doing nothing all day. A pint of Stella and a bag of dry roasted landlord!

[slimref]

got any scampi fries??

And can i have 5 ones for the golf please mate??

[Swansea Til I die]

Yeh we have everythin james, this is afterall the perfect pub, run by the perfect landlord :D

and of course there is strongbow on tap :rolleyes: ;)

[great white]

SOMEONE GET ME A PINT QUICK BEFORE I DIE

Diving around on a astroturf pitch at me age...god me hips are fooking killing me...Did a few Fabiens in the fist half.but the second 30 mins was better.......we only lost by 5....

Infact chuck a blue curacao in a shot glass....think I'll make this first one a depth charge......like that the whole body will be sore as fook tomorrow.........

[Swansea Til I die]

we lost by 6 and i have 2 bloody (in the literal sense) knees :(

we werent 2 bad tho considerin was 1st game :D

[Swansea Til I die]

*Comes down dressed as a punk*

Aright lads, hows it going? Lets kick this 70s night off with a bit of sex pistols on the Juke box........

I AM AN ANTICHRIST
I AM AN ANARCHIST..............

[great white]

DJ not turned up then??......dug out me best flared hi wasters and glory tux to be on the door..aswell

[Swansea Til I die]

anyone fancy Dj-ing then seeing as the ******* didnt turn up?

[great white]

*on door bobbing head up and down to music*

[Swansea Til I die]

I will DJ then. If u want something done an all that ;)

Im quite disappointed at tonights turnout actually :(

Anyway, any requests?

[great white]

Blondie.....Hanging on the telephone
Ottowa......D.I.S.C.O
Village Peeps...In the Navy.dedicated to all the Pilgrims out there

[slimref]

i reckon we need a bit of 70's disco on...

Earth wind and fire... Jacksons...

:dance:

People all over the world, join in, come aboard the love train,love train

[bazinfr]

How did you get in???....I'm on the door thats £2.50 entry you owe...forget it what can I get ya??.......not to many 70's fans around evidently....anyways tomorrow is lesbo night..hopefully it should pick up a bit......help yourself mate..I'm knackered off to the land of nod.....leave your money in the till and lock the door behind you when you leave....this maybe the perfect pub but we don't want it trashed when nobodys around.........

[slimref]

:eek: Thought great white was on the door and i gave him the money :confused: ;)

I've had three pints mate - i make it £6.75 so you owe me £2.25 change - theres a tenner on the till...

i'll pick it up tomorrow since its lesbo night - need a compare??

:bounce:

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

Sorry I'm in a bit late landlord, I've been in London for most of the morning. eeer I'll have a pint of your finest and Scampi in a basket.

[crstig]

Can I have a quadruple JD and Coke with a dash of lime please?

[James_F]

Oi! Arre you lokoing atg me?>@ Youu punk, i heardd yuo takling abiut me

[The Game]

SOLID, HAVE YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?

[James_F]

Yeahh i av

*picks up barstool and throws it in the direction of the game*

[crstig]

Alright, Calm down, We've all ad a drink!

[The Game]

Originally posted by James_F
Yeahh i av

*picks up barstool and throws it in the direction of the game*

:cry: I was only messing, now I have a broken finger nail :mad:

[James_F]

weelllthat juss proves u shouuunt av messed wi meeee. ii, i, i, ii knew yuo werent solllid

[The Game]

No I'm a liquid and I float about.....oooo....dizzy!

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

Jesus!:eek: I go for a dump and miss all this. Another pint of yer finest please landlord

[The Game]

I thought you were the landlord? Talking to yourself now are we?

[James_F]

are yuo tryinto be clevre? no one tkaes the piss oujt of me.


*smacks the game around the legs with a bar stool, break the stool on impact. The Game wobbles*

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

Originally posted by The Game
I thought you were the landlord? Talking to yourself now are we?

I gave it to STID in exchange for free beer for life.

[The Game]

A good landlord would kick Jim out, looks like I'm going to have to take matters into my own hands...

Go Go Power Rangers!

[James_F]

you catn make me leave i, i , , i am a verrry important perrson

[The Game]

Shaddup Sherlock.

[James_F]

Kiss my pizza

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

As I'm in temporary charge in Andy's absense I'm sorry but i have to ask you to leave




















FRASER! You are only 16 and should not be in the pub!

[The Game]

Your aloud in at 16, boyo. So sit darn and shaddup.

[slimref]

Looks like with these inner-city yobs you can do with an extra bouncer during the day

I'll be willing to do - i have big presence ;)

[James_F]

HAahahaHAHAHAHAHAHahahahaHAHAHA

[slimref]

Originally posted by The Game
Your aloud in at 16, boyo. So sit darn and shaddup.

But we dont like your type anyway ;)

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

Originally posted by The Game
Your aloud in at 16, boyo. So sit darn and shaddup.

Not in this one your not! I'm in charge and I'm asking you nicely to leave, if you choose not to leave SlimRef will have to eject you.

[The Game]

*chants* Oh la la Sibon *chants*

[James_F]

Originally posted by 3rd January 1988


Not in this one your not! I'm in charge and I'm asking you nicely to leave, if you choose not to leave SlimRef will have to rape you.

:eek: :eek:

[4737 CARLING, SIR]

Slimref, please eject Fraser using maximum force!

[James_F]

I repeat: :eek: :eek:

[The Game]

:eek: :eek: That's just taking it too far.

[bazinfr]

Great White will be in a minute to start his shift..hopefully be a better night than last night...Whats all this rucking in the lunchtime/afternoon session??...Where was STID up in court :eek: :eek: .......getting his licence for the pub:rolleyes:.....just had to try out me new signature..and this was the last thread I could remember posting on.......

Slimref......think about it!!!

[slimref]

another hard day doing sweet FA so a pint of strongbow mate and when do you finish cooking?

[Swansea Til I die]

hey hey hey!!!! whats being going on here then :mad:

im not going to chuck anyone out cos we dont have much custom anyway, but i have assigned a room especially for those softy northerners who drink a little bit more than they are supposed to and end up fighting :(

Lesbo night is going with a *ahem* bang ;)

So far i have found plenty of birds to come into the pub. Unfortunatly they all have a swimmin compitition tonight so may be a bit late. Also, will anyone be offended if they just turn up in their Bikinis?

Thought not :D

First rounds on me!!!!!!!!

[Jack]

Im bored. Need drink and lesbian.

[Swansea Til I die]

Jack, heres your drink, and i would like to introduce you to Jo and Flick, our two lesbos :)

[great white]

* said with tourettes firmly in mind *...

Good evening ladies....**** off.......fooking lesbo's.......slag..slapper..dirty bitch..

Schitt sorry..don't know what came over me...think I better give up this bouncer lark before I upset all your clients STID....So sorry... I resign......

[Swansea Til I die]

**** man! you've lost your job :( how bad

Vodka is it?