My Supadupa jokes [Archive]

15th August 2001, 05:49

If ya wanna see more of my groovin jokes, lemme know! There am some classics in my collection!

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[ 14 August 2001: Message edited by: Ji ]

gem

15th August 2001, 06:27

go on then giv us a laugh

15th August 2001, 06:42

Oh alright then... but only cos u asked so nicely!

Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?"
First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue" Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange..."
Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green" "Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."
Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks: "Does a fart have lumps?"
The teacher looks horrified and says..."Johnny! Of course not!!!"
"OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants..." >>

15th August 2001, 06:44

A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.
You know what?” says the 7 year old, "I think it's about time we start swearing.” The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
"When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?"
"Ok" the 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast.
"Oh, shit mum, I guess I'll have some Coco Pops"
WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.
She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?”
" I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your ****in' ass it won't be Coco Pops."

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15th August 2001, 06:45

Declan the humble crab and Kate the Lobster Princess were madly deeply and passionately in Love. For months they enjoyed an idyllic relationship, until one day Kate scuttled over to Declan in tears.
"We can't see each other anymore..." she sobbed.
"Why?" gasped Declan.
"Daddy says that crabs are too common," she wailed. "He claims you, a mere crab, and a poor one at that, are the lowest class of crustacean...and that no daughter of his will marry someone who can only walk sideways."
Declan was shattered, and scuttled away into the darkness and to drink himself into a state of aquatic oblivion. That night the great Lobster ball was taking place. Lobsters came from far and wide dancing and merry making, but the lobster Princess refused to join in, choosing instead to sit by her father's side, inconsolable. Suddenly the doors burst open, and Declan the crab strode in. The Lobsters all stopped their dancing, the Princess gasped and the King Lobster rose from his throne. Slowly, painstakingly, Declan the crab made his way across the
floor...and all could see that he was walking FORWARDS, one claw after another! Step by step he made his approach towards the throne, until he finally looked King lobster in the eye. There was a deadly hush. Finally, the crab spoke:
"F**k, I'm pissed............"

15th August 2001, 06:49

Murphy owned a nails manufacturing factory. He decided to give things a boost, so he called in an advertising agency to make an ad for TV. Three weeks later the agency rang saying his new ad would get its first showing on the following Wednesday night during "NYPD Blue". Murphy invited all his friends and relations round to his house to see the ad. The ad came on and the camera zoomed in on a grassy field and there was lovely background music. The camera then moved over the grass and up the side of a hill. At the top of the hill it came to the bottom of a cross. It slowly moved up the cross... to reveal Jesus on the cross. It moved out to his hands to show the nails driven through the hands. A voice then said, "Always use Murphy's nails". Murphy and his friends were appalled. Next day all newspapers and media chat shows were discussing the tasteless and irreverent ad for Murphy's nails. Murphy became the most hated man in the country and business slumped. Murphy rang the advertising agency in despair and asked them to change the ad. Three weeks later they rang saying there would be a new ad the following night. Murphy got all his friends in again. The ad came on as before, the camera focused on the grass, same background music. "Shit, I'm ****ed,” says Murphy. The camera went up the hill and came to a cross, moving up this time there was no one on the cross. The camera looked off into the distance.... and there was Jesus legging it across the fields. A voice rang out, "They should have used Murphy's nails!"

15th August 2001, 06:52

Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain smoker, and one was a homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die." The men left the doctor's office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice.
While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar. The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and seeing the lights, could not stop himself. His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead.
His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor's words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning. The homosexual looked at the chain smoker and said, "If you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead."

15th August 2001, 06:55

Two whales, a male and female, are swimming off the coast of Japan when the male whale looks up and sees the whaling ship that killed his father five years ago. Excited at the opportunity to avenge his father's death, the male whale says to the female "Let's go underneath the ship and blow air through our blow holes. That ought to knock their boat over, and make them think twice about killing innocent whales." The female whale agrees, and the plan works perfectly.
Once the whaling ship has completely sunk, the male whale notices that most of the sailors are making their way back to the shore by either swimming or in lifeboats. Not willing to let them get away so easily, the male whale yells, "They're going to shore - Let's go gobble them up!" Just then, the female whale becomes less cooperative: "HEY!" she says, "I agreed to the blow job, but there is NO WAY I'm swallowing seamen

gem

15th August 2001, 07:15

Mr Sinistero

15th August 2001, 08:55

All damn funny.

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Swansea Til I die

30th August 2001, 05:49

the last 1 is the best