IF YOUR NOT WATCHING BBC2 AT 10PM TOMORROW NIGHT THEN YOUR A FNUCKING **** !!!

[Woozer]

HE'S BACK!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/partridge/life/images/new_radio_norwich.jpg

[Horsey]

"If you've just joined us we're discussing who was the best lord.....lord of the rings, of the dance, or of the flies...."

Quality mate. Alan is the best thing to come out of Norwich since....well, forever really.

[Bad_Seed]

What was the best thing to leave Norwich and never go back?:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Cos i bet there never was a star that was born and bred in norwich.:D

[Seagull]

Steve Coogan is actually from Brighton.

[Mad_Hatter]

Kiss my face!!

I'm leaving you, you cow!

Fire and move, fire and move!

Jurassic Park!

:laugh: One hour to go!:laugh:

[Seagull]

If you're not watching Sky Sports right now you're a fnucking cvunt.

Cos Brighton are playing :D

[Swansea Til I die]

Its gone 10pm, im not watching BBC 2. I am taping it

Does this make me a FNICKIN ****?

[SamB_SCFC]

I'm at University with no TV, so I can't watch it! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!! !!

I'm getting my brother to tape all the episodes so I shall get round to seeing it soon.

'Smell my cheese!'
'I'm confused!'
'What do you think about the pedestrianisation of Norwich? (whilst he was in bed with a woman!)'
His rendition of 'It started with a kiss'
'He's a mentallist!'
'Kiss my face!'
'Jurassic Park'
'A-HA!'

These are just a few quotes from the legend that is Alan Partridge! I envy all those who are watching it tonight. :cry: :cry:

[Mad_Hatter]

Alan is well and truly back!

Couple of great quotes from tonight:

Cash-back!

Back of the net!

Realised about 10 mins in I should have taped it - earliest repeat is 11pm tuesday on BBC Choice. Well worth watching again!:D :laugh:

[The Truth]

'I don't sweat - Lynx Africa!'

:laugh:

[Mad_Hatter]

Another oldie, but a classic:

Monkey tennis?:laugh:

[skorn]

I don't know guys ... I didn't think it was half as funny as his previous stuff.

Still, I'll give it the benefit of the doubt and keep watching.

[SamB_SCFC]

Anybody who watched it, was it any good? Is it as good or anywhere near as good as his old stuff?

Personally I don't think it is possible to get any funnier than the I'm Alan Partridge series. There are so many funny moments and quotes, the setting for it is perfect and so is the comedy timing.

And even if it's not as good as his old stuff, is it still funny? I await answers with baited breath lol!

[Riffy]

Took a while to warm up but then it was pure quality! :laugh:

"Lynne- stay down" :laugh:

" Back of the net" and "Lynx Africa" - I near on pissed my ass off! Classic stuff :laugh:

[great white]

Originally posted by The Truth
'I don't sweat - Lynx Africa!'

:laugh: We have a parody on the same theme here, shite gonna have to look it out

[mickgrant]

Sorry, lads but all these titles go right over me head!! :confused:

You had to be there, I guess...

[Woozer]

It was superb. Who said the Beebs comedy is dead?

His burd seems a bit mental lol! Nice to see the Geordie Barman from the last series still in it.

Remember him and Alans discussion at breakfast in the last series? You were a burgular you could stick sausages to your fingers to avoid leaving finger prints. "Way hay Alan, an' ya cood 'ave a beefburger for your palm". LMAO
Couple of my favourite quotes from the last series also included him and his fan Jed when Alan excapes in his Rover and yells "No way you big spaz your a mentalist" as he drives off. And getting shown around his new house. "Nice big living room, you could swing a cat in here" "You could swing a tiger in here" "Wouldnt want to though, not unless it had been stunned".

ROFLMAO


Cant wait to see this military quiz show he hosts on Conquest TV on Digital. "Skirmish". Roll on next Monday :D

[SamB_SCFC]

Originally posted by Woozer
Remember him and Alans discussion at breakfast in the last series? You were a burgular you could stick sausages to your fingers to avoid leaving finger prints. "Way hay Alan, an' ya cood 'ave a beefburger for your palm". LMAO
Couple of my favourite quotes from the last series also included him and his fan Jed when Alan excapes in his Rover and yells "No way you big spaz your a mentalist" as he drives off. And getting shown around his new house. "Nice big living room, you could swing a cat in here" "You could swing a tiger in here" "Wouldnt want to though, not unless it had been stunned".

Totally agree with those scenes, moments of comedy genius! Don't forget 'Smell my cheese!' when he fails to land a new series after talking to the BBC guy in a restaurant, and in the mentallist scene when he drives down the drive and finds the gate locked. The gormless 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAgghhhh' noise he makes while he jumps over the stile into the field is priceless! And also when he was about to give a presentation and the keyboard intro sticks on! So many classic moments that I can't possibly mention them all.

I can't wait to see the 1st episode of the new series when I go back home this weekend and watch the tape. It's testament to the genius of Alan Partridge that I'm actually agreeing with a Cardiff fan over something! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAghhhhhhhhh! This proves that quality comedy can come between even the fiercest rivalries!

[Woozer]

The gormless 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAgghhhh' noise he makes while he jumps over the stile into the field is priceless!

Yeah and he almost falls flat on his face as he's running away, losing his balance cos hes running so fast. :laugh:

Heres some more classics...

Alan: That was one of the biggest stadium bands in the world, REO Speedwagon, and the time, for those who like to tell it in a slightly wacky way, is fifty to six. Or, if you’d like to develop the idea, seventy past four. Or even, er…

[Alan writes something down on a notepad, then uses a calculator, creating about ten seconds of dead air time.]

Alan: … bear with me… one thousand, two hundred and thirty to twelve. I’m joking of course, but the time is ten past five. Let’s say hello to my new comedy character, Camp David. Hello, Camp David! [Presses a button]

Camp David: [It is Alan’s voice, with a camp comedy accent.] Well, hello, Alan!

Alan: And, what did you have for breakfast this morning?

Camp David: Ooh, mince!

Alan: Mmm. Yes, indeed. Er, more from Camp David tomorrow. The time is – well, let’s not get bogged down in the time again. Simply time to say, “ruddy hell, it’s Softcell!”

Alan: Now I must say I’m very grateful you’ve come over – big fans of all the Irish…stuff. Love your pop music, Enya, and the other one – ripped up the Pope, bald chap? And I think… that’s it.

Aidan: Well, there’s U2, of course.

Alan: Oh, well, yeah. Fantastic. ‘Sunday Bloody Sunday’. What a great song. It really encapsulates the frustration of a Sunday, doesn’t it? You wake up in the morning, you’ve got to read all the Sunday papers, the kids are running round, you’ve got to mow the lawn, wash the car, and you think “Sunday, bloody Sunday!”.

Aidan: I really hate to do this to you, Alan, but it’s actually a song about –

Paul: Yeah, bloody Sunday is actually about a massacre in Derry in 1972.

Alan: A massacre? Ugh. I’m not playing that again.

Aidan: You ever been to Ireland, Alan?

Alan: No, no. I’d love to go.

Aidan: It amazes me when people say that and it’s only forty-nine quid on a plane.

Alan: Yeah, I think that’s what puts me off. Yeah. I think the Irish are going through a major image change. I mean, the old image of Leprechauns, shamrock, Guinness, horses running through council estates, toothless simpletons, people with eyebrows on their cheeks, badly tarmacced drives – in this country, men in platform shoes being arrested for bombings, lots of rocks, and Beamish. I think people are saying “yes, there’s more to Ireland than this”. A good slogan for the tourist board – [does the bad Irish accent again] “Dere’s more to Oireland dan dis.”

Radio Norwich: Up with the Partridge.

Alan: You’re joining me, Alan Partridge, and Peter Baxendale Thomas of the Norfolk Farmer’s Union. Now, yesterday I, sort of, trod in a rather large farmer’s pat when I made some comments about intensive farming. Where did I go wrong?

Peter: Well I think your comments were ill founded. They were deeply ignorant, they showed a complete lack of understanding of modern agricultural methods, and simply served to highlight the sort of intense stupidity that farmers encounter from armchair pundits who forget to think before they open their mouths. But with a full and frank apology that you’re about to give us this morning I’m sure you can dig yourself out of this rather ugly hole.

[Alan has looked increasingly irritated throughout Peter’s speech. He now forces a smile.]

Alan: Yeah. Erm, sorry. Er, do you have any requests, anybody you want to say hello to, or…?

Peter: Look, I’m just trying to say that when you make ignorant comments like you did the other day, you serve simply to alarm the public and inflame the farmers, which is exactly what you’ve done. Why don’t you just apologise and make it nice and simple –

[Alan interrupts Peter with a loud impression of a cow’s moo.]

Alan: Thought that’d fool you. You could talk the hind-legs off a donkey. But your donkeys are probably born without hind legs because of all the chemicals you put in their… chips.

Peter: Alan, I don’t have donkeys. And even if I did I wouldn’t feed them chips. This is exactly the sort of rubbish you came up with the other day when you talked about putting a spine in a bap.

Alan: I admit that was a mistake. I shouldn’t have said bap.

Peter: Well, good. Well, that’s a start.

Alan: Well, no, I should have said baguette. Because a spinal column would fit in a baguette.

Peter: Listen, you’ve upset half the farmers in this community. You seem to alienate everybody you come across, including, I gather, your wife, which is why you end up living like some bloody tramp in a lay-by.

Alan: It’s a travel tavern.

Peter: I don’t care what you call your sordid little grief-hole. It makes no difference to me. The fact is that an awful lot of my colleagues are –

Alan: [Interrupting] Are farmyard animals, yes.

Peter: You’re talking about my friends, here.

Alan: I’ve probably got more friends than you’ve got cows.

Peter: This is ridiculous.

Alan: How many cows have you got?

Peter: I’ve got a hundred cattle.

Alan: Yeah, I’ve got a hundred and four friends.

Peter: I don’t see what this is going to gain you. Why don’t you just issue a frank and full retraction of what you said, and you’ll get yourself out of a lot of silly bother.

Alan: Yeah, you are a big posh sod with plums in your mouth.

Peter: I don’t think it’s got anything to do with class –

Alan: And the plums have mutated and they’ve got beaks.

Peter: Beaks?

Alan: Yes, beaks.

Peter: Have you got any more of this, or do you want to stop at quacking plums?

Alan: No, no. You make pigs smoke.

Peter: I want to know where you think you earned the right to go swanning off on these ludicrous flights of –

Alan: Ah, swans. You feed beefburgers to swans.

Peter: Do I?

Alan: Yes, you do.

Peter: All right, well, perhaps you can tell me what’s wrong with feeding beefburgers to swans?

Alan: What?

Peter: Well if you fill a swan’s stomach up with beefburgers it’s full of fat and it’ll float better. That’s why we do it.

Alan: Really?

Peter: No, you complete cretin. I’m just contributing to this total farce. What else are you going to accuse me of?

Alan: I’ll tell you what. You farmers, you don’t like outsiders, do you? You like to stick to your own.

Peter: What do you mean by that?

Alan: I’ve seen the big-eared boys on farms.

Peter: Oh, for goodness’ sake.

Alan: If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and there’s a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plough the family into the field, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who’s also your brother.

Peter: Look, have I got anything else to say here or shall I go?

Alan: Well, listen, I’ll tell you what the point is. You have big sheds, but nobody’s allowed in, and inside these big sheds are twenty-foot high chickens. Because of all the chemicals you put in them.

[While Alan talks, Peter shakes his head, gathers his stuff together, and goes to leave.

Alan: That was The Police ‘Doo Doo Doo Daa Daa Daa’, their gibberish classic, and my tribute to Her Majesty’s police. It’s nearly seven o’clock. This is Dave Clifton.

Dave: Yes, indeed! Good morning, my name’s Dave Clifton, and there goes Alan Partridge, cone but not forgotten!

[Alan forces an appreciative groan, and laughs.]

Dave: You off to see a film, like Cone-an the Barbarian?

Alan: [Slightly annoyed, but still playing along] Yeah, good one.

Dave: Then watch a bit of TV, eh? Like Cone Dancing?

Alan: Yeah. Not so good, but fine.

Dave: Oh, come on Alan. What’s the matter with you? Cone’t you take a joke?

Alan: Oh, **** off.

[Dave stares in shocked silence for a second, then regains himself.]

Dave: Actually, I am speechless. Dave Clifton is actually speechless. I don’t believe you just said that.

Alan: You don’t sound it. I wish you were.

Dave: Well I am. Now, I really don’t know what to say. I find it really difficult to find a way –
Alan: [Interrupting] Try saying nothing!

Dave: You and I both know that dead air is a crime, and I think it’s terrible that you have to fill it with swearing on your show.

Alan: Unfortunately, Dave, you are bang wrong. It’s one minute past seven, it’s your show, you’re responsible for the output, I am technically a guest and you’ve failed to control me. Read the small print on your cone-tract.

[Dave looks annoyed.]

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[The Truth]

Yeah the scene with the two Irish guys was hilarious - I heard that they were actually the writers of Father Ted. Anyone know if this is true?

[The Guffer]

Cash back on that :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[OneManGang]

boozer you are already a fnucking ****