View Full Version : The "Worst Joke in the world" thread
Peel_Acres
4th December 2002, 22:30
Please tell the worst joke you know in this thread, i'm trying to compile a replacement jokebook for Bob Monkhouse.
I'll begin...
A man walks in to a bar with a giraffe and says to the barman "I'll have a pint of lager and 3 pints for the giraffe"
The barman serves the drink and the guy downs his, the giraffe drinks his 3 pints and drops dead.
The man starts to leave and the barman says
"Oi... Don't leave that lyin there!
And the bloke goes...
"It's not a lion it's a giraffe"
Boom Boom
:no: :no: :no:
Perfan
4th December 2002, 22:32
:laugh: I'm obviously the only person in the world to find that funny, then :rolleyes:
Jack
4th December 2002, 22:34
Not sure if ive posted this before.
It was good to see Michael Jackson just hold his kids off that balcony........
.....he usually tosses them off.
slimref
4th December 2002, 22:34
see you should be doing assignments and you're laughing at shite jokes like this!!
Peel_Acres
4th December 2002, 22:37
Originally posted by Perfan
:laugh: I'm obviously the only person in the world to find that funny, then :rolleyes:
I like it as well just think it's really bad!
Must be something to do with the Lancaster air!
Perfan
4th December 2002, 22:39
Yeah probably the Nightingale Farm stench!
Peel_Acres
4th December 2002, 22:42
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Oh! I thought it was just me that smelt!
:laugh:
slimref
4th December 2002, 22:45
got told this one by the missus at the weekend..
An aussie was walking down the road with two sheep - one under each arm. He sees his mate and he says "G'day mate - you shearing today??"
He replies: "Nah i'm gonna **** them both!"
:laugh:
Azzagiu
5th December 2002, 00:38
Hey silentbob that giraff/lion joke used to be one of my favs.... however as you`ve asked for it... heres another couple of old chestnuts...
A guy is walking down the street when suddenly he sees a giraffe coming out of an alley way just in front of him, at exactly the same time a police car screeches to a halt beside him and a rozzer gets out and asks him what hes doing with a giraffe walking around the streets of London, before the man can deny any previous knowledge of the giraffe the coppers radio cracks in to life informing him of a robbery which is currently taking place on the other side of town, jumping back in his panda car he shouts at the man to take the giraffe to the zoo....
hours later...
the policeman is out on patrol in his motor when he spots the same man walking down the street with the giraffe walking close behind him. Pulling up beside him the copper says `Oi I thought I told you to take that Giraffe to the Zoo`
the man looking bewildered responds `I did and now we`re off to the cinema....` :p
Whats brown and dangerous and sits in a tree?
A sparrow with a machine gun...
Whats brown and dangerous and lies at the bottom of the ocean?
Moby Mars bar...
Whats green and spongy????
Errr a Green Sponge...
Whats black and spongy???
a green sponge in the dark.....;)
Ok I`m gonna stop their before the lynch mob trace my isp no.
:wave: :wave: :wave:
mickgrant
5th December 2002, 02:37
I also liked the Giraffe one. Never heard it before though but the oldies are the best.
Azza - You haven't been around in a while but I think you'll find your hat and coat are in the street. Kind fetch them and Maureen will give you your P45 on the way out as your services are no longer required... :laugh:
m_the_d
5th December 2002, 02:55
A three legged dog limps into a saloon, slams his six shooter down on the counter and yells, 'I want the man who shot my paaw' :p
... :cool:
Kop
5th December 2002, 03:24
What dya call a deaf man with a BO problem?
Anything. He can't here you.
Taxi!
Bluetonic
5th December 2002, 05:39
A bear walks into a pub and goes to the bar and says ' can i have a pint and a ........................................ ..................................... packet of crips!'
the barman goes ' why the big paws?' :laugh:
Whats red and spongey?
a red sponge :rolleyes:
Whats brown and sticky?
a brown stick :cry:
(this is the joke i said in assembly at primary school in a joke competition :laugh: )
How many *******s can you fit in a police car?
7 - 5 inside, 1 in the boot and 1 on the roof! nee naw nee naw!
:eek: :laugh:
mickgrant
5th December 2002, 05:44
Originally posted by Kopite4life
What dya call a deaf man with a BO problem?
Anything. He can't here you.
Taxi!
Kop - After that one you don't deserve to leave the premises in a taxi you should just leave on foot.
Blue - Just for that one, you are going to hell in the proverbial handcart, my friend.
SamB_SCFC
5th December 2002, 05:45
Lol the *******s one was funny if a bit harsh lolol!
The worst joke I've EVER heard was said in junior school at xmas one year: drumroll.............
Q.Why did the chicken cross the road?
A.Because he wanted something.
Surely NO-ONE can beat that for crapness!
Bluetonic
5th December 2002, 05:50
Originally posted by SamB_SCFC
Lol the *******s one was funny if a bit harsh lolol!
The worst joke I've EVER heard was said in junior school at xmas one year: drumroll.............
Q.Why did the chicken cross the road?
A.Because he wanted something.
Surely NO-ONE can beat that for crapness!
haha that made me laugh cos it was so poor! well funny cos its that bad :laugh:
SamB_SCFC
5th December 2002, 05:53
Originally posted by Bluetonic
haha that made me laugh cos it was so poor! well funny cos its that bad :laugh:
I know makes me laugh now, it surely is THE worst joke ever though! The guy who did it years ago was ridiculed for months in the playground!
Oh yer blue check ur PM's
Jamesie
5th December 2002, 06:12
why didn't the sesame seed leave the casino?
it was on a roll
:clap: :clap: :clap:
Gruffy
5th December 2002, 07:11
Originally posted by Jack
Not sure if ive posted this before.
It was good to see Michael Jackson just hold his kids off that balcony........
.....he usually tosses them off.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :clap:
f*cking class!!
great white
5th December 2002, 10:43
What do you do if you see an epileptic in a bath??...
Throw in the washing
alchymy
5th December 2002, 11:01
You're forgetting the stupidest joke of all time! :eek:
Why did the boy fall off his bike?
...because someone threw a fridge at him.
:o
btw - :laugh: @ ******* joke.
Vegas_33139
5th December 2002, 11:40
Originally posted by great white
What do you do if you see an epileptic in a bath??...
Throw in the washing
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:
Vegas_33139
5th December 2002, 11:45
A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything". :rolleyes:
Doc:dunce:
Vegas_33139
5th December 2002, 11:48
A wig went into a bar and ordered a pint of lager. When the barman refused to serve him, the wig asks why.
"Because you're off your head, " replies the barman. :laugh:
Doc:salute:
great white
5th December 2002, 12:10
For some of the older members...
What goes Plink..Plink...Fizzz??
Vegas_33139
5th December 2002, 15:58
Why aren't you in bed Basil?
Doc:p
Azzagiu
6th December 2002, 02:39
Originally posted by mickgrant
Azza - You haven't been around in a while but I think you'll find your hat and coat are in the street. Kind fetch them and Maureen will give you your P45 on the way out as your services are no longer required... :laugh:
Mick, I know and I apologise however this thread is just getting started.... I unfortunately have loads of very bad jokes such as....
Whats blue and white and hangs in a tree?
A fridge with a Denin jacket on...
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side
Why did the pervert cross the road?
Becos his dick was stuck up the chicken :eek:
btw, bluetonic hadn`t heard the red sponge joke before ..... very good ~ it really made me s******
Leper time.... Can`t touch this....
How do you get a leper out of bed?
With a dustpan and brush...
Why did the leper crash his car?
He left his foot on the accelerator...
Did you hear about the two lepers playing cards?
One thro` in his hand and the other laughed his head off...
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip...
Okay, the cars running and I`m off....
m_the_d
6th December 2002, 03:32
You forgot; How do you know a leper was in your shower? He left his head and shoulders behind :o
... :cool:
Loose Cannon
6th December 2002, 05:34
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman in a welly throwing contest. the Englishman, John, goes 1st, picks up his welly and throws it 20 yards. The Scotsman, Jock, takes his turn and trows the welly 30 yards. Paddy, the Irishman goes next and throws his welly over the horizon.
Two Irish sisters, Jill and Doris, at home one day. One decides that they should move to Australia. They set about getting everything sorted for emigrating when Jill suddenly realises that her pet pig wouldn't be allowed to go. "What shal i do Doris" said Jill. "i know" said Doris, "Wear you big coat and hide him inside it when we're flying". "good idea" said Jill. So off they went. On the aeroplane everything was fine. They had drugged the pig so it wouldn't move, slept nearly the whole time, but it woke before they had arrived in Australia. The Stewardess noticed this and informed the pilot. the pilot was not pleased and took the pig and threw it out of the window. Jill was devistated by this, but Doris explained that once they had arrived in Australia she'd be fine. They landed and made their way to their new home. They both decided to visit the beach nearby. It was a lovely day and the beach was filled with scantily clad people. Jill was eying up this fella who was with a mate. They introduced themselves and got on really well. They all decided to leave the beach for drinks, but when leaving something fell out of the sky and hit Jills man on the head and killed him instantly. You'd never guess what it was..................................... ...................
It was only bloody Paddy's welly!