Winter In Ontario - Canada

[TLC]

Sent to my by a friend who lives out in the boonies of Ontario ... thought it might make our FF Canada contingent smile.

Foxworthy on Ontario

A smile, for those of you who lived in Ontario, have lived in Ontario, or are just glad you don't live in Ontario :-)

- If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Ontario.

- If you're proud that your town makes the national news 96 nights each year because Wawa is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Ontario.

- If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you might live in Ontario.

- If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year, you might live in Ontario.

- If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Ontario.

- If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Ontario.

- If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Ontario.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE ONTARIAN :

1. "Vacation" means going South past London for the weekend.

2.You measure distance in hours.

3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.

4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.

5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

6. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

7. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

8. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.

9. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.

10. Down South to you means London.

11. Your 1st. of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

12. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

13. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."

14. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Ontario friends.

[Smiffyboy]

Just about to face my first winter :cry:

My fave is:

Dear Diary

Aug. 12 - Moved to our new home in Canada. I am so excited. It's so beautiful here. The mountains are so majestic. Can hardly wait to see them with snow covering them.
Oct. 14 - Canada -- it is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves have turned all colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the beautiful countryside and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth. This must be paradise. I love it here!
Nov. 11 - Remembrance Day. Deer season starts soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it snows soon. I love it here!
Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won). When the snow plough came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. I love Canada!
Dec. 12 - More snow last night. The snow plough did his trick again to the driveway. I love it here.
Dec. 19 - More snow last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work. It's beautiful here but I'm exhausted from shoveling. F#cking snow plough.
Dec. 22 - More of that white shit fell last night. I've got blisters on my hands and a sore back from shoveling. I think the snow plough hides around the corner until I'm done shoveling the driveway. Asshole.
Dec. 25 - Merry F#cking Christmas! More ******** snow. If I ever get my hands on the sonovabitch who drives the snow plough, I swear I'll kill the bastard. Don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt the f#cking ice.
Dec. 27 - More white shit last night. Been inside for three days now except for shoveling out the driveway after that snow plough goes through every time. Can't go anywhere, the car's stuck in a mountain of white crap and it is so ******** cold. The weatherman says to expect another 10 inches of the crap again tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?
Dec. 28 - That f#cking weatherman was wrong. We got 34 inches of the crap this time. At this rate it won't melt before summer. The snow plough got stuck up in the road and that bastard came to my door and asked to borrow my shovel. After I told him that I had already
broken six shovels shoveling out all the crap he had pushed into my driveway, I damn near broke my last one over his f#cking head.
Jan. 4 - Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on my way back a damned deer ran in front of the car. Did about $3,000 damage to the car. Those beasts should be killed. The bastards are everywhere. Wish the hunters had
exterminated them all last November.
May 3 - Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rusted out from all that salt they put all over the roads.
May 10 - Moved to Florida. I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever want to live in such a God forsaken place as Canada!

[daz90]

[QUOTE]7. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. [QUOTE]

:laugh: :laugh:

[PsychicPscouse]

Thank you, I love you all...:laugh:

But you left out...

If you think the last four words of the national anthem are 'Starting in goal tonight...', then I guarantee you are from Ontario...:p

A variation on an old saying...;)

Give a man a fish and he can eat
Teach him how to fish and he'll sit in his boat and drink beer all day

:laugh:

PS...daz, not only does the snow work on the potholes, it also does a great job of smoothing out speed bumps...:p

[Smiffyboy]

Originally posted by PsychicPscouse
If you think the last four words of the national anthem are 'Starting in goal tonight...', then I guarantee you are from Ontario...:p
:clap: :laugh:

Not this winter :no: