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Dawg
21st August 2005, 00:31
Brothers or sisters have I none, but that mans father is my fathers son.

Who is that man?
Robin_L
21st August 2005, 00:34
It's his son.

Eas-ah, Eas-ah, Eas-ah!
Dawg
21st August 2005, 00:37
See if you can translate the following?

Y Y U R Y Y U B I C U R Y Y 4 M E
StretfordEnd
21st August 2005, 01:09
Too wise you are, too wise you be, I see you are, too wise for me.
Mr Sinistero
21st August 2005, 01:34
a man rode into town on sunday and then left town three days later on sunday, how?
Mr Sinistero
21st August 2005, 01:35
a father and son are in a car crash and the father iis killed, the son is rushed to hospital by ambulance and when he gets there the doctor says 'i dont want to treat him because he is my son', how.
Smiffyboy
21st August 2005, 02:14
a man rode into town on sunday and then left town three days later on sunday, how?
Sunday was the horse's name.
Bluetonic
21st August 2005, 07:13
As I was going to St. Ives,
I met a man with seven wives.
Each wife had seven sacks.
Each wife had seven cats.
Each cat had seven kits.
Kits, cats, sacks and wives,
how many went to St. Ives?
WhiteHart
21st August 2005, 10:28
a father and son are in a car crash and the father iis killed, the son is rushed to hospital by ambulance and when he gets there the doctor says 'i dont want to treat him because he is my son', how.

the doctor is his mother
WhiteHart
21st August 2005, 10:28
As I was going to St. Ives,
I met a man with seven wives.
Each wife had seven sacks.
Each wife had seven cats.
Each cat had seven kits.
Kits, cats, sacks and wives,
how many went to St. Ives?

One.
DShamen
21st August 2005, 11:11
As I was going to St. Ives,
I met a man with seven wives.
Each wife had seven sacks.
Each wife had seven cats.
Each cat had seven kits.
Kits, cats, sacks and wives,
how many went to St. Ives?

Simon says...
busby
21st August 2005, 11:31
Simon says...

:laugh:
YipJaapStam
21st August 2005, 11:37
http://www.davidwalliams.com/full/lbcharacters/intray.jpg
Tractorboy Tom
21st August 2005, 12:29
A man goes for a walk in a forest, when does he know when he is half-way?
Gruffy
21st August 2005, 13:28
what is what? how can we define what when we dont know what what is
Dawg
21st August 2005, 15:41
A man goes for a walk in a forest, when does he know when he is half-way?

How far can a man run into the woods?
Smiffyboy
21st August 2005, 19:04
If a man speaks in the woods and no woman is around to hear him, is he still wrong?
Tractorboy Tom
21st August 2005, 20:24
How far can a man run into the woods?Untill he gets out of breath :)
Athers
21st August 2005, 20:30
How far can a man run into the woods?

Half way, because after that he is running out of the the woods.
Lewis17
21st August 2005, 22:02
If a man speaks in the woods and no woman is around to hear him, is he still wrong?

YES ;)
Jo
21st August 2005, 23:53
Yep, always, do you boys learn nothing!?
Smiffyboy
22nd August 2005, 00:05
What? Sorry, wasn't listening :D
Jo
22nd August 2005, 00:15
Want a slap?!
http://thomas.voirol.com/oriacuba/images/oria/diving/Moonfish2.jpg
Smiffyboy
22nd August 2005, 00:50
Are you wearing your hair different Jo?
StretfordEnd
22nd August 2005, 11:33
Are you wearing your hair different Jo?

:laugh: :clap: :laugh: :clap: :laugh:
Robin_L
23rd August 2005, 14:04
Two planes take off at the same exact moment. They are flying across the Atlantic. One leaves New York and is flying to Paris at 500 miles per hour. The other leaves Paris and is flying to New York at only 450 miles per hour ( because of a strong head wind ). Which one will be closer to Paris when they meet?
swfc_babe85
23rd August 2005, 14:40
The maker doesn't use it. The buyer doesn't use it. The user uses it without knowing it.

What is it?
AB2002
23rd August 2005, 14:40
Neither. Or both if you like that sort of thing.
swfc_babe85
23rd August 2005, 15:29
No army can stand against my might,
I am greater than the wind or sea.
All succumb just as day follows night.
High mountains turn to dust before me.
Smiffyboy
23rd August 2005, 16:37
Two planes take off at the same exact moment. They are flying across the Atlantic. One leaves New York and is flying to Paris at 500 miles per hour. The other leaves Paris and is flying to New York at only 450 miles per hour ( because of a strong head wind ). Which one will be closer to Paris when they meet?
They will both be the same when they meet :rolleyes:
Robin_L
23rd August 2005, 16:54
Correct.

My, but aren't you a bit special at these :eek:
Robin_L
23rd August 2005, 16:57
No army can stand against my might,
I am greater than the wind or sea.
All succumb just as day follows night.
High mountains turn to dust before me.

Time.
Smiffyboy
23rd August 2005, 20:07
You're not the first person to call me special.
swfc_babe85
23rd August 2005, 20:13
Time.
boooo you

expected that 1 to take a while
Mad
23rd August 2005, 21:59
Within, I have eyes and see,
I can't drink, but still have tea,
it's in me, though E I've never done,
I don't have ours, no... just one.

Backwards, I see right on cue,
don't have me, I do have you,
I've said all that's in me,
Tell me, what is it I be?
Paulus_
23rd August 2005, 22:35
How long is a piece of string?
How deep is a hole?
RoyalMan
23rd August 2005, 23:59
A man walks into a bar... Ouch.
Robin_L
24th August 2005, 01:09
boooo you

expected that 1 to take a while

Sorry, i'm not bad at these old chestnuts :p
Smiffyboy
24th August 2005, 01:11
Within, I have eyes and see,
I can't drink, but still have tea,
it's in me, though E I've never done,
I don't have ours, no... just one.

Backwards, I see right on cue,
don't have me, I do have you,
I've said all that's in me,
Tell me, what is it I be?
A question.

Or maybe "This Question".

I can't get all the letters. Question is part of it though I think.
Phantom_Bantam
24th August 2005, 13:34
The maker doesn't use it. The buyer doesn't use it. The user uses it without knowing it.

What is it?

A Coffin
swfc_babe85
24th August 2005, 15:43
correct
AB2002
24th August 2005, 15:47
If it takes ten men three hours to dig a hole, how long would it take five men to dig half a hole?
Phantom_Bantam
24th August 2005, 17:16
There's no such thing as half a hole, unless you're referring to half the size as the first hole.
slim_returns
24th August 2005, 17:23
beckham got sent off in the first half but scored in the second half, how can this be
Smiffyboy
24th August 2005, 18:33
Posh was in the changing rooms waiting for him.
Canton
24th August 2005, 19:24
beckham got sent off in the first half but scored in the second half, how can this be

Theres 2 't's in Butt, butt.
Mad
24th August 2005, 23:01
A question.

Or maybe "This Question".

I can't get all the letters. Question is part of it though I think.
You've got it all wrong, surely I deserve a trophy of some sort?

:p
Paulus_
24th August 2005, 23:31
If it takes 2 men 3 weeks to walk a fortnight, how many apples in a pound of pears?
slim_returns
24th August 2005, 23:39
Theres 2 't's in Butt, butt.


wrong,beckham was playing to different matches
Smiffyboy
25th August 2005, 00:20
Oh Slim, your grammar will always be your downfall. Here, have a "w" for "to". On the house. First one is free.

I thought my joke about him scoring with Posh was by far the best answer :no:
slim_returns
25th August 2005, 03:49
Oh Slim, your grammar will always be your downfall. Here, have a "w" for "to". On the house. First one is free.

I thought my joke about him scoring with Posh was by far the best answer :no:


im a quick and careless typer hence missing out the "w"

you are a mere mortal compared to me,so know your role :no:
Smiffyboy
25th August 2005, 15:39
Cheese and pickle.
slim_returns
25th August 2005, 15:41
with mustard
busby
26th August 2005, 08:52
There is a certain crime, that if it is attempted, is punishable, but if it is committed, is not punishable. What is the crime?
Peel_Acres
26th August 2005, 09:42
Fuc...king a duck
Smiffyboy
26th August 2005, 14:53
Suicide.
Smiffyboy
26th August 2005, 15:38
You've got it all wrong, surely I deserve a trophy of some sort?

:p
Critique. I got a few letters wrong first.
busby
26th August 2005, 19:12
Suicide.
:clap:
Phantom_Bantam
26th August 2005, 19:43
A man is has two big jars on front of him. One has 50 white balls in and one has 50 black balls in. He is told that he will be blindfolded and then the jars will be mixed around and he must put his hand in one and pick a ball. If he picks white, he lives and if he picks black he dies.

Before this happens, he is able to mix the balls up between jar to jar. What is the best mix for him to survive?
Smiffyboy
26th August 2005, 20:28
http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/B00005N6RM.02.LZZZZZZZ.jpg
Smiffyboy
26th August 2005, 20:32
Is he allowed to put all the black balls at the bottom of the two jars and all the white ones as the top? :D

Any why are the black balls associated with death. You are a racist. Close this racist thread and ban Phantom_Bantam :mad:
Allen
26th August 2005, 20:32
You are in a concrete box in the middle of the desert. (you can breathe)

All that is in the box, is a wooden table, how do you get out of the desert?
Smiffyboy
26th August 2005, 20:39
Is this the stupid one where you bang your head against the wall until it is "sore", then use the "saw" to cut the table, etc? Someone told me that once and I was forced to surgically remove their scrotum.
Allen
26th August 2005, 20:45
....then you cut the table in two, put it back to together because two halfs make a whole, you use the hole to get out of the box, then your swallow some sand until your throat is hoarse, you get on the horse and ride out of the desert.

No, I don't believe its the one your thinking of :biggrin2:
Smiffyboy
26th August 2005, 21:04
Nurse, scalpel please.