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Anxiety/Depression mental illness.

Discussion in 'General Off Topic Discussion' started by Andy-gers1, Aug 18, 2017.

  1. Tornado

    Tornado Registered User

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    Good morning everyone.

    Are we all ready for today?

    Wake up and feel refreshed. Say good morning to the first 5 people you see today. Anyone. Doesn't matter who. Just say it to anyone.

    Have a blessed day.
     
  2. BleedsIsDead

    BleedsIsDead “Teams like Brighton”

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    So... as I’ve posted in here before when it comes to my mental health I’ve been on and off of anti-depressants since I was 14. (I’m 25 on Monday). Over the last few years I’ve learnt that my problem is more anxiety based than depression. However growing up with a mum who had depression meant she always saw my symptoms as depression and pushed me that way.

    Anyway, over the last few months I’ve slowly realised properly that my problems are anxiety not depression based and have been able to pinpoint a lot of problems.

    I have a brother who is 3 years younger than me. When he was born my mum really struggled with Postnatal depression. Back in ‘96/97 it wasn’t as understood, so my dad thought my mum was making it up because she was struggling with two kids.

    There was a lot of times when I was 4/5 when I’d finish school and nobody would be there to pick me up. There would be me, alone, in the school hall. Obviously then I didn’t understand why. However even back then there would be days where my dad was working and my mum had an episode and would drive away or lock herself in the bathroomand leave me and my baby brother alone. Some of my earliest memories are trying to look after myself and my brother at 4, and my dad coming home and kicking off at the mess and losing his temper with me or my mum. With hindsight, that’s why I was always last to be picked up.

    Eventually my dad was made redundant due to taking time off to look after me and my bro
    and shortly after my mum was sectioned which highlights how serious it had got. The fact I can even talk about it is a step forward.

    Anyway, after 14 years it’s finally clicked that maybe thats partly the reason I feel anxious. And maybe the fact I’ve been offered counselling for 10 years is a sign I should take it. So... on Tuesday 5th match I’ll be having a telephone conversation with a mental health team and orgnading some proper help.

    It’s taken half my life, but finally I’ll be able to sit down with someone and sort my f*cking head out. The fact I’ve made that step is massive to me and I can’t f*cking wait to sort it. So proud of myself even if it’s a small insignificant step to most.


    Ramble over
     
    #802 BleedsIsDead, Mar 2, 2019
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2019
  3. Jezza

    Jezza Registered User

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    Huge step @Bleeds

    Sounds like you're ready to move forward. Let us know how it goes.
     
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  4. Sandsy

    Sandsy Formerly known as manojob

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    Congratulations and good luck with it.
     
  5. Andy-gers1

    Andy-gers1 DELETE!
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    Love you mate xx
     
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  6. BleedsIsDead

    BleedsIsDead “Teams like Brighton”

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    Love you too man. Hope you realise my phone is always open if you need to talk x
     
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  7. Shane

    Shane Registered

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    Ilysfm. xoxo
     
  8. King_Kenny

    King_Kenny .banned

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    Welcome back mate, not seen you for donkeys years. And well done for getting that off your chest.
     
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  9. King_Kenny

    King_Kenny .banned

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    It really does make you think how we can all be absolute ****s to each other yet not understand whats on the other side of the screen. We're saying the most horrendous things to fellow posters that are suffering in silence. Its only words on a forum, but I myself have taken things to heart and made me feel shitty or wound up at times and no doubt I've probably made others feel the same.

    This thread has shocked me, I spent my life thinking I was alone suffering from anxiety, but blimey seems most of the forum have suffered far worse. Like Bleeds says above, my own mother was a despressive when I was a very young kid, in and out of hospital, obsessed she was dying (still going strongely at 84....well actually not that strongly given her recent fall, but you get what I mean) she (and my sister) ended up hooked on Valium and Ativan. My father worked long hours and loved a drink, couldnt cope and was pretty abusive due to all this, they were divorced by the time I was 12.

    I myself was fine until my 20s when several incidents (smacked over head with hammer and within an inch of severe damage or even death according to the nurse who treated me) (trouble with ex's new fella who had a shitload of mates by my new girlfriend caused me some grief. At the same time I got myself into some bother, ended up on probation and a curfew which added to the stress) and a few other things. It was then I started to suffer with bad anxiety and panic attacks, got to the point where I couldnt travel any distance alone and massively relied on my girlfriend to get me out of the house. Having seen my mum and sister hooked on valium and ativan I was always absolutely determined to steer clear myself. I also found out after quitting smoking that actual smoking was a trigger for my panic attacks, I'm very sensitive to both nicotine and caffeine, both would trigger palpations in my heart which in turn turned into a panic attack...vicious circle and all that. Palpation, sense of panic, chest tightens up, hypoventilate, more panic, dizziness, full blown panic attack.Its amazing how the slightest thing can kick you off on a PA when you're in the wrong frame of mind.

    Since quitting smoking and cutting caffeine out of my diet I noticed the palpations stopped, which in turn made the panic attacks ease right off. I still get the very odd one in certain situations, but theyre manageable. I'd advise anyone that suffers from panic attacks to do likewise, cut caffeine and nicotine out.
     
    #809 King_Kenny, Mar 2, 2019
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2019
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  10. WBArgo

    WBArgo Registered User

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    I think a lot of problems stem from your childhood. For instance, I have bad social anxiety which I've had since 5 years old and I'm now the same age as you - sometimes I can be fine, other times it is crippling. Looking back, it was due to my school experiences as a 5 year old. In my first school (reception) I was absolutely fine and was a happy kid, but the second school had some terrible teachers who would basically belittle me as a 5 year old in front of everyone - which is why I now have a terrible complex of expressing myself/rejection etc.
    It is messed up when you think about it how some c*** teacher with a problem can effectively ruin a childs life.
     
  11. StillHurts31

    StillHurts31 Registered User

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    I don’t contribute half as much to this thread as I realistically should, but I have to say it is without doubt the best thread on the forum. The advice, stories and support are just incredible. Keep it up those of us far braver than I and good luck to everyone.
     
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  12. The Doc

    The Doc #freegabrielheinze

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    Hope it all works out for you chief. Wish you the best of luck.
     
  13. RedDevilsShinja

    RedDevilsShinja End Forced Debt + Fiat. Return to Gold

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    I'm so glad that you've managed to get to a place where you know the root of your problems and are now on the path to dealing with your issues mate, just gotta take one step at a time <3

    That's fascinating that stimulants triggered your anxiety. Top effort quitting smoking glad for you bud and glad that you've gotten your issues into a manageable state:thumb
     
  14. Tornado

    Tornado Registered User

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    My fellow Brothers!!!

    We feeling good? We taking these extra strides forward?? Together we can do this.

    Nothing is impossible. Well, me trying to pull that HR girl is proving to be but, hey ho :rolleyes
     
  15. RedDev

    RedDev Back from a long break.

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    Thanks. :) I'm out of it... still got my issues but the issues never stop. Everyone has issues and the people who don't are just very lucky.

    Yep. It's hard especially in the internet age because when you're young you're forced into school. So you "have" to do the social thing and school actually sheltered me from my issues because I was forced into exercise, socialising, routine..... but when you leave that you can drift through college then Uni is where the shock happens because you aren't forced. You sound like me and when you then have the choice you more often choose the isolate yourself choice when things get bad..... Unless you have a job that forces you like I had but then you work too much and don't do your work.

    Supplements or just good food, exercise and when I'm at my best it's routine. I've only just found this out as well as I had a period off over Christmas which I haven't had since I was like 12 so I completely fell out of rhythm, my sleeping patterns were mental so I focused and started getting up at 5am, then bed at 9-10pm and it's the best I've felt in years doing it but to keep it up you have to say no to a lot of things because a small push in one way completely messes it up.

    March to September I'm fine I can vary things and the effects aren't too bad.

    On the lights for anyone reading, I never felt they worked but there was a study a couple of years ago that basically found no evidence that they did anything.

    Hey mate sorry didn't see you responded getting used to the new setup. :)

    Yeah I had to bail when I was going through stuff and then I moved away from what I was doing to try and change because something I was doing wasn't working. But I went a bit too far then slowly I've been tracing myself back to the things I enjoyed and becoming more centred and stable but I'm 31 so it's about right.

    I used to love this place. But when I got depressed and questioned myself that persona got destroyed too so I think when I went missing I oddly felt embarrassed about the situation so then choose to just ignore it because at the time that was the easy route.

    How things with yourself? Much better I guess with Liverpool's general form... not current... ;)
     
    #815 RedDev, Mar 6, 2019
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2019
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  16. RedDev

    RedDev Back from a long break.

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    Part of coming to terms with your issues I've found is forgiving your parents of there's. You understand this the older you get I think.

    A big problem is well in general is avoiding issues when you shouldn't and being able to look at yourself and what you do. What are your triggers.... why do you react the way you do to the problem or feeling. Is that helping you? Can you change it? Usually the answer is yes you can and it's habit that's making you react a certain way because that's how you've been taught or taught yourself to deal with an issue/problem.

    Like I said in a previous post I don't think anti-depressants are the answer to most problems. They mask issues and allow you to function they don't solve them.

    Think how things used to be when I used to post. We were pretty brutal and damning to each other. I think that's why when things got bad with me I couldn't keep that projection of who I was up. I couldn't deal with the anxiety of arguing with somebody.

    My Dad was abusive generally because of his distrust in people due to his first marriage. She cheated on him, wouldn't admit it and later did after he died 40 years later but he carried that mistrust with him and it impacted my Mum, my brother and then me. Such a small detail in the grand scheme of things especially after they'd split but it drove him to drink heavily and suspicion. It was unbearable at times and I saw the worst of it as I was the youngest and everyone else f*cked off to leave him.

    I understand that reliance on somebody to get you out of the house. When I was at uni I wouldn't say it but I loved it when people would come see me and say shall we go somewhere... although I'd never ask it myself. I used to run at 1:00 am in the morning just so I didn't have to see people and my projects were generally to do with night.

    My problem with drink and narcotics now is both sides of the family have issues with addiction. I know i'm the same but I also know I'm doing it and I'll quite happily joke about it so I'm not denying it.

    But I know it also needs to stop sometime soon as it's damaging not just to my health but mentally I'm not doing the jobs I want to do. I know later in life this will haunt me and I'll become even worse. My girlfriend who I've been with since school is an absolute saint, she's beautiful, lovely and I don't deserve her at times and it's getting to that point where I need to buck my ideas up.

    I've done well in my life relatively.... but I've had my fun to and it's about time I grow up a bit.
     
    #816 RedDev, Mar 6, 2019
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2019
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  17. King_Kenny

    King_Kenny .banned

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    Can relate to the jealous father bit. With me, my father was a jealous man regarding me mum, there was no cheating on my mums part, it was more down to she was an pretty attractive woman when she was younger so had quite a few admirers, but my dad put himself a bit and was a bit of a womanizer, embarrassingly for me one of the women he was knocking off was the mother of a friend. Although luckily this was found out later and not when it happened. With my mum being a depressive and suffering with awful arthritis from an early age, my father was left to care for us alone whilst my mum spent long spells in hospital, he was already a drinker (not a alcoholic, just the usual out on a friday and saturday). He'd come home with a right nark on and would do some pretty shocking stuff, once as an about 10 year old I had fell asleep on the rug in front of the fire whilst watching TV, he came in, saw me and literally wellied me in the back, this was whilst I was well away and as you can imagine it scared the shit out of me. Other times he would give us a crack for the slightest things. Despite all this, I grew up not hating him, in a way I understood how hard it was for him to have a job with the water board, working 8 till 6, coming home making his own tea, no wife there, etc.

    Strangely despite going through some shit in my life I've never turned to drugs, ale or anything of the sort. Don't get me wrong I've smoked a weed many a time the same as any lad growing up in a rough working class area, a dabble with speed, rush, etc...but real no substance abuse or addictions. Same with ale, always been just a normal drinker as in out most weekends, etc...but never been much of a drinker in the house, although these days I do share a bottle of wine most weekends with the partner. I'm also adverse to downing any kind of tablet, a paracetamol is about as far as I go...hell I cant even stand anti biotics, those ****ers make me more ill when I get them :laugh: in a way this distrust of tablets may have helped me overcome (when I say overcome, they're still there but in a much reduced capacity) anxiety/panic attacks as I didn't become reliant on them. I've seen so many people addicted to depression, anxiety, etc tablets and its not nice. I've also seen a best friend die, not directly through drinking as it was his heart that packed in, but he was a drinker and heavy smoker, I've seen a cousin and another mate from years back drink themselves to an early grave.

    My addiction was probably gambling oh and I smoked from an early age, luckily I managed to quit smoking.

    I'm doing ok, just plodding along. And yeah, how times changed, last time you were around United were still pretty much the dominant force. I bet you didn't think you'd see the say when City and Liverpool would be pretty much the best two sides in the league...as a United fan alls you need now is Leeds up and make it a threesome and a nightmare for an United fan :laugh:
     
    #817 King_Kenny, Mar 7, 2019
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2019
  18. RedDev

    RedDev Back from a long break.

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    My Dad's days were well before I was born. He was a poor kid done good with a Bentley etc and a bit of money as you went in the 70's so I can't speak for how loyal he would've been. Probably not so much tbh...... but I think because he knew she did it and she never admitted it it cemented this sometimes vile drunken behaviour of distrust. My mum got the most of that and his friends who he'd then accuse of being with my Mum whilst he'd be out with other women. I've got a few sisters I know nothing about but whether he'd have done it without the first domino falling I dunno. Ultimately all of that and those people abandoning him left him with me and a memory full of bullshit which he routinely unloaded.

    Not often physical, baring the odd shove, aggressive poke or punch to the back but the worst was just mentally. I knew my Mum was a good women but he tried his best to make her out anything but and that she didn't love me. Along with my brother and my two sisters which when you're a kid 4+ is hard especially when he's drinking and smoking himself to death with no regard to what ever you're doing for the most part. He did have his good bits every now and again but they were mostly self serving.

    A little bit similar with me but before I was born my brother went through a period when Why Dad and Mum split up and she because her step Dad died who she was close to and being around my Dad who was a complete narcissist with Daddy issue's himself joined the Jovo's for something to cling onto. Commence a long legal battle then some how they got back together then had me. Obviously didn't last long and when I was 6 they split again.

    The bit you say about you sitting at home in front of the fire is a memory I hold and cherish is the wrong word because I was generally on my own and scared most nights. He'd be generally in the pub and I'd get money off him, get a video and sweets then come home or just finish school and come home to a empty house. Play with my mates.... maybe have Tea at theirs if it was offered then sit watching tele in front of one of them old gas fire with the triple sets until I got turkey legs.

    My aunty sue would generally come round and see me, see if my Dad was in and pour herself a drink and wait then go or if my Dad came back they'd sit and chat. I'd just fall asleep down stairs going to bed around 12 at night when I was 6+ so my school attendance was shocking.

    My Dad would never come in and be abusive he loved me I know he did. But the rage from what he thought of others was put on me so I had to hear that constant barrage of vile shit that came out his mouth. He was very self obsessed.

    I get what you mean. I used to and feel sorry for him now that he wasted so many chances and life made him like he became. He had the world at his feet, he was extremely smart, respected, had money but blew it for one reason or another.

    I used to say to him and think when I was a little kid I'll have to watch you die. And I did and when he was bad 5 years or so ago I said it to him and I could see in his eyes he was sorry for it but it was almost inevitable for him.

    When I was young I was exactly the same until about 22-23 when I moved back to my home town. I was coming out of depression but then who I was.... I didn't know so these things I was strict about just crumbled.

    So working in the fashion industry things got offered..... I just went **** it... it made me friends, made me feel good and tbh whilst it's had its impacts they haven't been catastrophic generally and I've made money.

    It came to a head though when selling my business it was only about a year after my Dad dying and whilst he was busy topping himself I had to say to him after having him throw a much fought rehab appointment in my face being shit faced I can't do this..... you do what you're gonna do because I'd spent years of my life trying to make him not do it... that I had to do my thing.

    So I concentrated on the business.... he dies... we sell it... I don't think I'd come to terms with it all properly and randomly cheated on the Mrs' who I'd been with since School. So I had to split up with her because it's the only way I could sort my shit out and in doing so realised she's class, I don't want to know most lasses and I was actually really happy. But it's interesting how all these events ripple into others.

    I also see the way I act mirroring the way my Dad acted at times which is just me not respecting myself and not really coming to terms with things but you can say it.... but meaning it is another thing.
     
  19. Tornado

    Tornado Registered User

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    Let's go today people!!

    Have a blessed day.
     
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  20. Soup Ladle

    Soup Ladle Registered User

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    This forum is a truly amazing and inspirational place, better than its ever been and I first joined in 2003! Incredible that people bear their souls out like this and get proper sound advice. Just class, well done fellas.
     

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