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Anxiety/Depression mental illness.

Discussion in 'General Off Topic Discussion' started by Andy-gers1, Aug 18, 2017.

  1. RedDev

    RedDev Back from a long break.

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    Especially when you consider how we used to argue about the smallest thing. Being able to ridicule somebody on here for being wrong was the highlight of the week usually....
     
  2. upper90

    upper90 Registered User

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    Good on ya. As a therapist myself, I hope you're able to see what a huge step that is. It's often the hardest step to reach out, but it will be the most important one. Too many people aren't able to open up and I wish you the best
     
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  3. King_Kenny

    King_Kenny .banned

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    To be honest I think it only needs one post/poster to open their heart and those that in the past acted like the hardcase on here realise they're not alone and there's no shame whatsoever in suffering from stress, anxiety and depression. If there is one good thing about this current messed up world, its the fact the stigma of these illnesses have been lifted. If when I was at school (back in Victorian days ;) ) you'd told someone you were suffering from anxiety, you'd have been ridiculed and made out to be the class/school weirdo.

    There is absolutely nothing "weirdo" about depression, anxiety or stress, they are just illnesses that most of the planet suffers from at some stage in their lives.
     
    #823 King_Kenny, Mar 9, 2019
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2019
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  4. King_Kenny

    King_Kenny .banned

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    You are? Shit you're inbox will be chocker block now you've told us that ;) you'll have to start charging FF by the hour to be the forum head doctor ;)
     
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  5. upper90

    upper90 Registered User

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    too true, in many ways. there are people who care and don't judge, and--at least in the US--the statistics report that 49% of people will meet the criteria for a mental illness at one point in their lives. makes sense in the US; we elected trump, after all. all joking aside, though, you're right that the more we can reduce the stigma and normalize the struggles people face without dismissing the uniqueness of each individual's story, the better
     
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  6. RedDevilsShinja

    RedDevilsShinja End Forced Debt + Fiat. Return to Gold

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    It's not particularly that I isolate myself as I'm not a unsocial person, but the whole lack of structure was a big thing a Uni and I ended up just chilling in the flat getting ****ed every day listening to music with whoever was in the flat missing basically all of my lectures, never exercised, ate awfully, had a relationship that ended awfully, ended up on strange sleep patterns and generally just drifting through life a bit disillusioned not really knowing what to do with life. So in that sense landing a job that I started not 4 days after my last exam is probably the best thing that's happened to me as it forced structure back onto my life and started eating better and exercising properly again, which is why the past few months have been particularly rough as I though all the shit was behind me and I'd figured it out, but most of the time I've exercised recently it's been shit and just made me feel worse. Though this week exercising was actually nice and gave me a bit of relief much needed after the news I got on Monday.

    I'm fine until after the New Year usually as I'm always busy with gigs, having Christmas to look forwards too always helps and the memory of summer still lingers, but that's pretty much killed after the new year and when I'm down it's usually until the end of March or early April.
     
  7. Andy-gers1

    Andy-gers1 Lonsdale Trainers FTW
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    Not been myself recently.. Yesterday, I was the worst I've been in a long, long time. Just feel hopeless.

    I'm genuinely sick of being there for folk whereas it's just a case of using and abusing your kindness.

    At this minute, I'm just lying in bed.. Trying to find the urge to drag myself out of it. Genuinely cannot be arsed.

    It's all stemmed from my brother. He phones me every five minutes for the most pointless of things. Sounds silly and petty but he really brings me down.

    For instance me and the wife always have our 'date day' on a Saturday, we go for lunch, few drinks and maybe catch a movie. He just wants to tag along constantly.

    It's been since my mum passed away in 2015, he needs mothered constantly, needs advice on everything and it ****ing brings me down. He phones me about 10/15 times per day asking me stupid questions..

    For example, 'Andy, should I phone in sick today?'
    'Should I wear jeans today or joggers'

    Just silly things. When something goes wrong he's on the blower. I just can't deal with him anymore.

    I've got enough going on in my life rather than trying to bring up someone. I need space.

    He phones and never asks how I am.. It's all about him. He knows I don't keep well, he knows that I don't keep well. But when I'm in the hospital or going through surgery it's a case of attention seeking posts on Facebook, looking for attention down to me being in hospital.

    This person is 26 years old, not a kid.

    I know when my mum was here, she did a lot for him.. And he still expects that from others. Sorry, but that's not how life works.

    Had words with him yesterday, apparently ruined his birthday.

    My dad had a stroke yesterday but his birthday seems to be more important. Sat in the house last night trying to figure a way down to Boro and he's out not giving a **** because it interferes with his birthday celebrations.

    Just can't deal with this shit anymore. I need to grieve for my mum but can't get the chance.

    I dream about her constantly and when I do, I don't want to wake up. When I do, I feel like shit.

    I've been on the waiting list to speak to someone for about 6 month now but still not heard anything.

    On top of all this, I'm dealing with my crohns disease.

    Juat tired with all the pain, lack of sleeps, people taking advantage of me..

    Really don't want to be here much longer.
     
  8. Leo

    Leo Guest

    Never having been in a similar situation Andy I really don't know what to say apart from that perhaps you should stop any interaction whatsoever with him for a while and fully concentrate on yourself, your wife and your situation (don't know if you have kids). I can imagine that this is bringing you down as you say but as for your last comment.....Think of you & your wife mate. I know what I've said isn't much but I have no experience of this. Hope things get better for you mate.
     
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  9. JaseTheVillain

    JaseTheVillain Registered User

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    Mate, the first thing psychologists/councillors/psychotherapists etc will tell you is to cut people out who cause you to feel like this, family or otherwise. Perhaps don't take such an extreme step yet, but step back away from him as much as possible. Don't answer his calls for a while, or a bit more extreme would be change your number. The lad is the same age as me and needs to learn to deal with his own life and his own problems.

    Keep doing your thing with your wife, as that seems to be a happy point in all of this.

    Your mental health will eventually heal somewhat, if you're no longer here, nothing will heal.

    Feel better soon pal.
     
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  10. TLC

    TLC There Can Be Only One
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    Oh Andy just want to give you a big hug mate.

    When your mental health is fragile having someone so needy and dependent pulling into your life like this can be crippling. People say and think you want / need to hear the words ‘it’s easier to deal with the problems of others than it is your own’ it doesn’t make it right or true. When things are dark, behaviour like this just drags you down further.

    You need to grieve, you need to do what you need to for yourself, you need to do what you need to for your dad. What you do not need to do is be is the bleating board for a grown ass man who should be able to dress himself without asking guidance and make decisions for himself without asking for advice on the hour every hour.

    You need to sit him down and really lay out some hard truths to him. No questions, no interruptions, no bitching and whinging it’s not about him it’s about you. Print out some of the things you’ve posted in here if that will help - some of them are pretty stark and dark - they also show this isn’t a new thing, it’s been going on for years, through losing your mum and the crones and he needs to stop making shit worse.

    He gets 1 text conversation a day and it doesn’t last more that 5 messages in succession he gets 1 phone call that last no more than 10 minutes and it’s at a time convenient to you not interrupting your work, or meals etc - everything else will be dumped to voicemail. An emergency can be preceded by a text - what pants he should wear is NEVER an emergency.

    The Saturdays with your wife, Tell him to fvck off, he’s not welcome on your date with your wife any more than you would intrude on his - it stops now and it’s not a subject for discussion.

    My phone is always on, always available for a chat, hell come down here to visit bring the wife and the dog - the phone signal is really shit where we live ... so it would give you the break xxx
     
  11. Andy-gers1

    Andy-gers1 Lonsdale Trainers FTW
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    <3
     
  12. claret

    claret Registered User

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    Stay strong mate and put you and your wife at the top of the priority list always.
     
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  13. pvm66

    pvm66 Registered User

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    Need to go down the tough love route here Andy. Personally I wouldn't ignore him, I'd tell him straight that he needs to leave you be. Easier said than done I know but it will be for the best with you.

    Also, reading this, I have to wonder if he's got issues himself that need professional help. He sounds like he's either not capable or imo doesn't want to take responsibility for himself. If thats the case then you should maybe encourage him to seek out help. Again, I know it's not a nice thing to have to say but longer terms it will be better for both of you.

    Keep your chin up:duke
     
    #833 pvm66, Mar 10, 2019
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2019
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  14. Tornado

    Tornado Registered User

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    First of all, I am very sorry that you are having to deal with the biggest loss any Human Being will ever have to deal with. I cannot imagine what you to this day will be going through.

    You have described 3 quarters of my life in the second line. Being there and people taking advantage of it. A year and a half ago, I finally woke up to this. Now, I am more on the ball.

    Regarding your Brother, I can't really say I know what you are talking about because I don't. I have a Brother too. In all honesty, I would walk through fire for him and my family. However that is just me. It is a shame your Brother hasn't really snapped out of the reliability on others stage (sorry hope that doesn't cause offence). I have an Uncle who is in his 40's and still replies on others, like the whole world has to hold his hand. He can't even do the simplest of things without someone by his side. My Mum and my Gran (his Mother) are to blame for it because he was the youngest and was and still is a spoilt brat. He can't do no wrong. However, I just know within reason, I'd be there.

    Really sorry about your father, things really are difficult for you. Best thing to do is try and focus more even though it is very difficult for you. I walked away from a lot of people this last year or so, people who I couldn't let go off even when I knew what was happening. Now, that has all changed.

    Life is complicated. We only have one life. I go for long walks, it can help. Do some sports if you can. Boxing. Good discipline. Be brave, I know you have it in you.
     
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  15. midfield

    midfield Hey Sunshine!

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    Hey sunshine, usually I'd message you direct. Glad youre being so honest.
    For mine, this topic has been such a positive help to so many, Andy you deserve all the accolades that come with it. Now its time you draw on the help & support of your fellow posters.

    While its cold comfort that others have their problems, some similar, some not, you still need to remember youre not alone. We can also still look at things in a light-hearted way & perhaps (respectfully meant) : 'we can swap condolences'!

    Seriously, get all the help on offer my friend. Theres also always someone else worse off than you. Keep being the beautiful creation you are... & believe it.

    For any person using & abusing you, its time to call a halt when theyre adults, its time your brother grew up. Its not helping anyone when people are downright selfish, self-centred. Dont answer the phone to your brother. The best thing we did was to reduce the impact people had depending on us.

    Call it 'tough love', but it has to be done. I mean, what would you brother do if you werent around? He would have to fend for himself.
     
    #835 midfield, Mar 13, 2019
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2019
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  16. Crespo

    Crespo Registered User

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    So the last few weeks have really been quite eventful and despite writing down a lot of how I feel (probably 3-4 times a month in a separate document) I kind of feel like I needed to vent somewhere else so yeah you lucky lot get it!

    I've now moved back in with my mum (I'm now 29 years old) and had to take one my sisters rooms as there isn't enough space. My sister are 7 and 9, the other person living here is my brother who is 27 but my mums his permanent carer. It's kind of hard putting into words how I feel about the situation as a whole, there is an undeniable sense of relief that I'm not on the streets and that I'm in a familiar setting with family but on the same hand I feel useless, like of all the hardships my mum has been through and continues to live through I have to come back home because my anxiety had got so bad I lost my job. I feel a burden to my mum, to my sisters, the only positive is being able to help my brother.

    I figured by this point I'd be more of an adult, whatever the hell that means, the panic attacks started up again a couple of months ago and work despite trying to be accommodating I felt I had to leave. My flat mate then announced that he was moving out with his partner so alas it was either find work and a flat mate to cover bills or move home and here I am.

    I hadn't seen my son in months up until this weekend just gone. Me and his mum left it as a surprise, a friend of mine drove me to meet them in Winchester and we went to a soft-play place, went back to my exs and just hung out for a while, played with hot wheels cars, watched the lego movie whilst not really watching it because puzzles and role-playing races is clearly more fun! We went to the local park he took his scooter and showed me all of his tricks and I told him that Monday I'd be picking him up from school with mummy and that me, my friend Sophie, his mum and his friends (who he normally meets after school) would be going to the local farm. It's moments / days like these that are worth living. The inappropriate poo jokes he makes like most 4 year olds do, the witty retorts that make me proud to be his dad and the sense of pride I get knowing despite his autism he's thriving in school. He told all his friends daddy was coming over, despite all of the personal battles I've had with myself he still saw me as someone special to him, to a lot of people that will sound stupid, of course you're special you're his dad! But when you've been away a while, out of the picture, it can be quite harrowing and scary to wonder what they might think.

    Leaving was tough. Tuesday morning I woke up and my body was numb, I had a cold developing but that morning was something else, I barely moved from my bed, I struggled to eat or drink and since then I've been battling flu like symptoms. Most people who know me well in real life know I have a pretty strong phobia of being sick so that's been on my mind ever since. I'm a bit better now, dry cough and sleepless nights are still on the agenda but I can at least get up straight away and manage some toast. It just feels like whenever I step out of my comfort zone and do something good there is always some form of setback, I now haven't left the house since Monday and I'm hoping tomorrow or Monday I can drag myself out, Monday I have to as I have the job centre. Those wonderful people who believe recommending me customer facing retail heavy roles right now is a good idea.

    The last couple of days I've tried to remain positive, I keep looking at the pictures I took over those 2 days and reminding myself it was worth it but it's so easy to tell myself I'm useless, can't hold down a job, have barely any friends, had to move back home, anxiety getting worse, started writing out what looked like a suicide note but in truth wasn't, it was more a reflective piece of what I'd been feeling.

    "Sleeping to avoid reality" is the one expression I always seem to find myself describing. There are positives in my life, I know that, but this anxiety, this depression, it's beating me right now and I'm genuinely scared of where I will end up. My son is the only reason I carry on, I certainly don't do it for myself, it's to see his smile again, to try make him proud, I just wish I knew where the hell to start in getting myself into a position where I'm a better father and a better person of taking care of myself.

    I don't expect any replies by the way. I just find it helps to hit enter and know I've said something. I can give all the positivity in the world to other people but to myself? That's just a whole different ball game.

    I will put this picture here because this is the reminder to myself the hard times are worth it.

    I hope you are all having a great weekend and are looking after yourselves!

    [​IMG]
     
  17. TLC

    TLC There Can Be Only One
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    Heya @Crespo ... that’s a handsome boy you made :)

    So much going on, must feel a little like hanging on to the railings in high wind.

    If you need someone, Winchester’s a nice place and not too far away xx
     
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  18. Tornado

    Tornado Registered User

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    Ok everyone. We ready for a new week? Tomorrow, make someone day by complimenting them. Absolutely anyone. It will make you feel good to make someone else feel good.

    Let's all stick together.
     
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  19. Leo

    Leo Guest

     
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  20. Tornado

    Tornado Registered User

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    Hope you're all well. Make sure you all are taking the important steps forward and don't let people make step back.
     

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