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Anxiety/Depression mental illness.

Discussion in 'General Off Topic Discussion' started by Andy-gers1, Aug 18, 2017.

  1. screescree

    screescree GGMU!

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    I went through a stage of anxiety alongside depression and other things I won't get into, but despite the CBT sessions, drugs offered to me etc. I found the best thing was getting on my bike and riding into the middle of ****ing nowhere. Luckily for me, that was easy as I live in Yorkshire, plenty of places to go. But even the ride itself was great. Because you ride, but you're thinking about things and scenarios in your head. But you don't have ANY interruption. I could go out on the bike for 2-3 hours, going nowhere in particular, at no particular pace.

    I think that without my bikes, I wouldn't be here.

    It's worth looking into. Doesn't have to be cycling, drive out to a nice trail/pathway and walk. Plug your music in and walk. Fresh air cures a lot of problems as it turns out.
    Hope you pull through it soon, all the best.

    Che
     
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  2. Andy-gers1

    Andy-gers1 DELETE!
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    Again, in a bad place currently. Over the past week or so I’ve been a nasty bastard, grumpy, confrontational etc to the people that care. I know they only try and help but it frustrates me that I’m like this in the first place.

    My mood is at all time low too, one of my so called best mates has turned nasty too and I can’t seem to set things straight. Also have a lot of hang ups about my dad too and the thought of him makes me angry, one side of me hates him and the other loves him. Heads fried with it all.

    All my mates have become fed up now and I feel like I have no one, my best mate has a lot of personal things happening atm and I don’t want to get involved.

    Sorry for ranting on, I just needed it off my chest.

    Xx
     
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  3. Shane

    Shane Welham shags dogs

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    Andy. Losing your friends is unfortunately a bi product of some mental illnesses. You end up isolating yourself as you feel anxious going places (I know this applies to you), so you need to stop isolating yourself. My ex has hardly any friends that bother with her anymore as she isolated herself to a point she never did anything. Myself on the other hand, I pushed myself to do stuff and am still very close to them. Don’t be comfortable Andy. Otherwise your illness has won. Challenge it daily and do things you enjoy. Seek counselling now as well. It’s newish for you. You are in the band of people easiest to help but only if you help yourself.
     
  4. Donnyrovers90

    Donnyrovers90 Registered User

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    It’s easy to slip into a place where you have no one and push others away. I’ve recently had a relapse with depression and got myself into a very dark place. You just have to try your best to accept the support of others and rather than getting yourself down about any hang ups etc you just HAVE to talk about them to somebody.

    Whether that somebody is a professional or your wife I don’t know but that’s the only place you can start whenever you do get into these places Andy

    It’s obviously very tough that your friends seem to be fed up but to be perfectly honest mate, speaking as an outsider who doesn’t know how long you’ve known them for or anything’ it shouldn’t matter how down you are and how often you have to talk to them about it.. if they were true supportive friends they would not get fed up and that’s the kind of negativity you definitely do not need around you making everything feel worse
     
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  5. The Unbeliever

    The Unbeliever Registered User

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    Andy, like you my depression and anxiety is linked to a life changing condition something that I have just had to accept and learn to adapt too. Over the past few years I've isolated myself and with only 2 exceptions (excluding family) have let friendships drift and even with the 2 that remain I wont discuss my mental problems.
    Friends are great but they are not the best for helping you deal with mental illness, they either don't want to know and offer glib and/or annoying advice or they probably feel utterly impotent and unable to help.
    You can't force anybody to change they have to want it and Shane is right it starts with yourself and I think the first step is to seek professional advice. Speaking from personal experience your not going to like it, but they will equip you with methods and techniques that will help with the negative feelings and anxiety. It can be a long hard battle, but it can be won all you have to do is be willing to engage in it.
    Hope things improve soon.
     
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  6. davep

    davep The Alzheimer's club

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    Yet again great posts by all the 3 above.
    We are all with you Andy,and this place is space for you to express your feelings without fear of us turning away.

    We are here Andy,you will beat this.x
     
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  7. Andy-gers1

    Andy-gers1 DELETE!
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    Thanks everyone for your kind comments, last night I was really low.. couldn’t sleep and I felt like I had to get certain things off my chest.

    Re: my mates, they have organised a xmas night out and because I said I couldn’t go if it’s going to be a night time thing because of the anxiety and i would freak out. They didn’t understand.. only one did. I don’t think people realise how bad it is until they experience it second hand.

    As for the mate that’s turned nasty, I could be doing with his support atm but he’s a wank and is just ignoring my attempts to try and resolve the issue, even though it’s all him not me.
     
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  8. davep

    davep The Alzheimer's club

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    Keep trying Andy just give it time.
    If you are asking for help and understanding and he's not responding maybe he isn't the friend you thought he was.

    It maybe just difficult for him to see you like this and in time he will come round.
    Don't be down and try to stay positive fella.x
     
  9. Andy-gers1

    Andy-gers1 DELETE!
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    He doesn’t even know I’m in a bad way.. :(
     
  10. Steve - Wfc

    Steve - Wfc Registered User

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    You should tell him mate x
     
  11. Andy-gers1

    Andy-gers1 DELETE!
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    I’ve tried to spark up conversation with him over text he either ignore it or one word answers. I’ve gave up with it tbh.
     
  12. davep

    davep The Alzheimer's club

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    Oh that's where the problem is then.
    I imagine your personality has masked over your problems and he just can't work you out.He will be frustrated and questioning himself Andy.

    If he understood I bet he would be the first there.
     
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  13. Andy-gers1

    Andy-gers1 DELETE!
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    I would like to think so, but i doubt that now. I could just be petty.
     
  14. davep

    davep The Alzheimer's club

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    No you aren't being petty Andy.We all have feelings and sometimes when fragile it's difficult to keep them in check.
     
  15. The Unbeliever

    The Unbeliever Registered User

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    I understand fully about your anxiety regarding the Xmas night out, But as I said in my post your not goling to enjoy the cure. I've recently started attending City matches on my own, for the sole reason of helping me overcome my anxiety by taking me out of the comfort zone that it has trapped me in. I now hate large crowds and the sense of being trapped and the thought of climbing the steps to my seat is particularly stressful. I still have to leave 5mins before halftime/full time so I don't have to navigate them in a crowd which at the moments is terrifying, once down I can watch the remainder of the game on the tv in the refreshment area. The point I'm trying to make is the longer you allow your anxiety to dictate your behaviour/life the harder it is to break the pattern.
    IMO you should go to the Xmas do, stay as long as possible wish everyone a merry Xmas and then leave when it becomes totally unbearable, the next invite you go and stay a bit longer and so on and so on.
    I don't really know how long you have been suffering and all this advice might be to soon for you, but eventually you will reach a point where you say to yourself "f**k this" and start pushing yourself down the road to recovery.
    As for your c**tish mate either explain to him or f**k him off, the one thing you don't need now is something else to feel bad about.
     
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  16. Steve - Wfc

    Steve - Wfc Registered User

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    How about your mate who does understand, maybe you could get him to have a word. As Dave says, he'll probably change his tone once he knows. If he doesn't change his tone then so be it, he's not worth having as a friend.
     
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  17. TLC

    TLC There Can Be Only One
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    Andy

    Awesome advice from the gentlemen.

    In relation to Dave's last comment about your friend, this rings very true, it's quite a common reaction for people to try to push themselves away from someone who is pain - be that physical or mental - a self defence mechanism to try and protect themselves from the hurt they feel by just being around someone they care about who is in pain.

    It is also very common when a person is in pain to push people away to 'protect' them from having to go through this with you. By making people angry the hope is that they won't care so much or at all and it won't hurt them.

    At my lowest point I'd pushed everyone away and severed all of my meaningful friendships. In my head I was being strong, I was protecting everyone from the nightmare my life had become, I wasn't willing to risk the safety of other people who might be viewed as being 'important' to me.

    A very kind lady took me outside and yelled at me when she saw my doing this to someone in the workplace - she told me that being strong meant it was okay to accept that I needed help and to ask for it. It was a floodgates kind of moment. I had to fake being comfortable with it to start to rebuild those relationships (and 20 years on some of them have not and will never be mended)

    I played the character of 'okay me'

    'okay me' was open about everything to everyone - absolute honesty, no secrets, no sugar coating or selective sharing to protect someone else's feelings or sensitive disposition. 'okay me' told everyone precisely why I had panic attacks, the detail of the situations that had created the conditions that allowed the panic to take control of me. The things that my ex husband used to say to me - how worthless I was, how nobody wanted me, nobody cared about me, I was nothing. The physical stuff, the psychological stuff. Every last bit of it.

    Everyone was told that they could and should share what I'd told them if they thought someone should know so how far it was told and to whom I didn't know.

    I don't know when 'okay me' stopped being a character I was playing, my armour against the world and just became 'me' it happened very gently.

    TAFKAP might be able to tell you the last time I had a panic attack, I think it was about 4 or 5 years ago. He will also tell you that despite all the bluster, my opinion of myself is pretty poor in almost everything, my self confidence is very low, I'm very introverted, I stick my head in a book and live vicariously through the lives of fictional people

    The reverse of this is how I deal with my Multiple Sclerosis and then I'm a cross between Chuck Norris, Wonder Woman, Superman, The Joker and Harley Quinn - Then I'm an ass kicking ego maniac control freak with a god complex and nothing can stop me :laugh:

    I'm marmite, you either do or you don't - that's okay - I'm not a bad person, I've got myself to the place where I'm okay with me now (mostly) I made peace with me, old me, okay me and me me. We're all still there inside and we can all exist in this space now without all having a melt down.

    Talking to one person then many people was that step for me, I left nowhere in me for the little voice to hide, there is nothing for it whisper because there are no more secrets. To pinch the line from the film Medicine Man - I took it's stick :)
     
    #137 TLC, Dec 7, 2017
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2017
  18. davep

    davep The Alzheimer's club

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    That was just an amazing and inspirational read Tracy.Wow.x
     
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  19. davep

    davep The Alzheimer's club

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    Been there.The need to sit on the end of a row because being stuck in the middle made me extremely anxious.The feeling is terrifying but you like me are trying to kick f*ck out of that demon.
     
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  20. Andy-gers1

    Andy-gers1 DELETE!
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    I am a season ticket holder at Ibrox and i have been for many years. Luckily my brother comes with me but if he didn't i dont think i could manage. I sit very close to the front (row c) and i'm usually okay until as you said, when it is time to leave.I start to freak out.

    Always on the back of my mind is, "what happens if my bag leaks?" "Why is everyone staring at me?" When they are not. Also, when i need to go to the loo, i feel as if i become a burden on the others trying to watch the match.

    I've been suffering from this since my mum died suddenly in 2015 then i took ill, it's been ever since then i've developed this and it's horrible. I cant even explain it.

    As for my mate, i'm passed caring now with him tbh, he just had a newborn within the past few months' and i've made an effort, just to see how the baby is etc but he's throwing back in my face. I just don't give a **** anymore tbh as it's his choice not mine, he decided to be a dick, not me.

    Both of them don't get on lol.

    The one in question that is being a rat took the huff because i asked my best mate to my best man.. that's what it comes down to really.

    Thank you T.

    Great advice there, and i will take it on board.
     

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