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Joke thread

Discussion in 'General Off Topic Discussion' started by johnnyT, Jan 5, 2018.

  1. Mowgli

    Mowgli Registered User

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  2. johnnyT

    johnnyT Well-Known Member

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    Paddy answers his door after someone rings the bell.

    2 policeman are standing there

    'are you the bloke who dived in the river to save the lady from drowning' one asks.

    Paddy says proudly 'I am that man'

    'Well she's hung herself the day after from a tree nearby' the policeman replies.

    Paddy says 'oh shit I forgot, I put her there to dry'
     
    Bigpete likes this.
  3. johnnyT

    johnnyT Well-Known Member

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  4. Tornado

    Tornado Registered User

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    I shouldn't but :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
     
  5. Suomi

    Suomi Registered User

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    John Oliver on football :clap:

     
  6. Pagnell

    Pagnell MISERABLE C**T

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    A photographer has been badly injured taking a group photo at a wedding when a gigantic piece of cheddar fell on his head.

    Bystanders claim the group did try to warn him.
     
  7. Tornado

    Tornado Registered User

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    Nope. I'm stuck.
     
  8. Pagnell

    Pagnell MISERABLE C**T

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    Screenshot_20210504-120957_Chromium.jpg
     
    TLC likes this.
  9. Tornado

    Tornado Registered User

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    Oh flipping heck!!!

    I'm such a Boob!!!

    Good one though!!
     
  10. jafoster

    jafoster Registered User

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    Took me a while to get this as well, very subtle
     
  11. Gal_P

    Gal_P The Special One

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    Called the vets this morning...

    Me: "Hello, I need to make an appointment for my pet Ostrich."

    Vet: "Ok what's the problem?"

    Me: "He's holding his head to one side."

    Vet: "Hmm, maybe neck's weak?"

    Me: "Haven't you got anything sooner?"
     
    Panja and StretfordEnd like this.
  12. Tornado

    Tornado Registered User

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    Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh!!
     
  13. Gal_P

    Gal_P The Special One

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    Kids today don't know how well off they are.

    I was orphaned at a young age and raised by a pack of hyenas.

    No toys, no posh house, facing starvation scouring for food, but boy, did we have some laughs…
     
  14. Suomi

    Suomi Registered User

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  15. Tornado

    Tornado Registered User

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    I absolutely Love Ellie Taylor. She's just so funny and sexy.
     
    Suomi likes this.
  16. JimJams

    JimJams Registered User

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    She’s not gonna shag you mate.
     
  17. zippy

    zippy The friendly Fascist

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  18. Panja

    Panja In a land down under

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    Yes, and then everyone would shout it back. Get it now?
     
  19. zippy

    zippy The friendly Fascist

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    It's about as funny as a bad cold.
     
    Panja likes this.
  20. Tornado

    Tornado Registered User

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    I know.

    So gutted.
     

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