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Discussion in 'General Off Topic Discussion' started by johnnyT, Jan 5, 2018.
Paddy answers his door after someone rings the bell.
2 policeman are standing there
'are you the bloke who dived in the river to save the lady from drowning' one asks.
Paddy says proudly 'I am that man'
'Well she's hung herself the day after from a tree nearby' the policeman replies.
Paddy says 'oh shit I forgot, I put her there to dry'
I shouldn't but
John Oliver on football
A photographer has been badly injured taking a group photo at a wedding when a gigantic piece of cheddar fell on his head.
Bystanders claim the group did try to warn him.
Nope. I'm stuck.
Oh flipping heck!!!
I'm such a Boob!!!
Good one though!!
Took me a while to get this as well, very subtle
Called the vets this morning...
Me: "Hello, I need to make an appointment for my pet Ostrich."
Vet: "Ok what's the problem?"
Me: "He's holding his head to one side."
Vet: "Hmm, maybe neck's weak?"
Me: "Haven't you got anything sooner?"
Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh!!
Kids today don't know how well off they are.
I was orphaned at a young age and raised by a pack of hyenas.
No toys, no posh house, facing starvation scouring for food, but boy, did we have some laughs…
I absolutely Love Ellie Taylor. She's just so funny and sexy.
She’s not gonna shag you mate.
Surely the photographer would say that ?
Yes, and then everyone would shout it back. Get it now?
It's about as funny as a bad cold.