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What's going on in your life and general advice thread

Discussion in 'General Off Topic Discussion' started by Sandsy, Feb 12, 2019.

  1. Sandsy

    Sandsy Formerly known as manojob

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    Do's

    • Talk about anything going on in your life which is challenging and some advice would be helpful for.
    • Talk about anything going on in your life which you don't need advice on but is exciting to you nonetheless.
    • Offer your own experiences where relevant and share what worked for you.

    Dont's

    • Be a prick. Take your sarcasm/condescending crap elsewhere.
    • Use words like 'should or must'. There aren't many life experts here and we're only offering our own experiences, so try using 'xyz worked for me' or something similar.
    • Bring up depression/mental health. I am well aware they are battles many people deal with, but I think you will get better results talking about it in the stickied thread instead.

    Currently me and my partner are working on paperwork to get married (neither of us are Japanese so adds a few hoops to jump through) and are working towards building our house.
     
    Dutch likes this.
  2. Schindlers Pissed

    Schindlers Pissed Championship here we come.

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    Dealing with a close family members passing. It’s constantly on my mind...
     
  3. Monkey

    Monkey Naughty Naughty Monkey

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    Too many rules for me mate. Sorry.
     
  4. TAFKAP

    TAFKAP Where's Adim?
    Staff Member

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    Genuinely sorry to hear that mate. Everyone deals with grief differently so I’m sure nobody here can give a definitive way forward for you, but my approach has always been to celebrate the life you knew rather than mourn the loss.

    When people pass they leave memories, and I prefer to remember those than dwell on the circumstances of their passing.
     
    Schindlers Pissed and Sandsy like this.
  5. Schindlers Pissed

    Schindlers Pissed Championship here we come.

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    Cheers mate...
     
  6. BoroWill

    BoroWill Registered User

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    Looking at buying a house at some point between now and the summer.

    Working on some pretty interesting shit at work at the moment. In general life is good right now.
     
    Sandsy likes this.
  7. Sandsy

    Sandsy Formerly known as manojob

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    Just heard a friend of mine over here has suffered a stroke. She is only in her mid 20's and is looking at a month and a half recovery period and the left part of her body was (and maybe still is) immobile. Crazy how that can happen. My grandfather had a few strokes in his life. Has anyone here suffered one before and how did you find recovery?
     
  8. Steve - Wfc

    Steve - Wfc Registered User

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    @Mowgli is currently recovering from one I believe?
     
  9. Daz_Blade

    Daz_Blade Registered User

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    One major thing going off for me at the moment, everything else in my life is insignificant in comparison...

    My daughter is due to be born in 8 weeks time and I've never been such a mixture of excited and terrified about anything. One minute I can't wait to be a Dad, the next I get an overwhelming feeling that I'm going to be an awful parent and will let her down throughout her life.

    Is this a normal feeling?
     
  10. Mowgli

    Mowgli Registered User

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    2 in 9 months mate but then again i'm 58,hearing of someone having a stroke in their 20's is surprising i thought you had to be an old bugger like me to have one.
    Sandsy it takes time and patience and doing what the docs tell you,i hope your friend makes a complete recovery.
     
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  11. Lord Cavendish

    Lord Cavendish Happy Camper

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    Why does not being Japanese create hoops to jump through?
     
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  12. AlissonWonderland

    AlissonWonderland Slumdog Mignolet

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    Got to move to Cardiff in September when the missus starts uni as a mature student and I'm fretting about having to find a new job, a new flat/house and saving enough money in the meantime.

    I'm on a pretty low income snd having to handle all bills, general living expenses and do all the saving pretty much single handedly as she has had to drop to part time to study at college. Stress.
     
  13. Leo

    Leo Enter Sandman

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    The process I'd imagine.
     
  14. Canary Fairy

    Canary Fairy Bring me sunshine :)

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    Being a parent is the most wonderful, difficult and worrying thing you’ll ever do. Your feelings are absolutely normal. Just be there for her and I’m sure the first time you see her, you’ll feel overwhelmed and love for her. Bet you shed a tear or two too ..

    You never stop worrying about them. Mine are 28 and 26 and I’ll never stop worrying.
     
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  15. Sgt. Serious

    Sgt. Serious Moderator
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    Yes, 100% normal.

    Went through it, stlll do now and he’s a few weeks shy of being 6 months old.

    Our issue is sleep. He just will not sleep for long periods.

    I work nights so can’t help but the wife claims it’ll take the best part of 2 hours to feed/soothe him to sleep. She’ll finally put him down and he’ll be up again within 30 minutes, 45 at a push.

    This battle seems to last all night!

    You’d think at some point he’d be so tired he’s some what crash into a deep sleep but no.

    Also, the wife likes to rant at me about how difficult the nights are (fine) but any suggestion I make to try & help - I get my head bitten off. Then if I say nothing I get my head bitten off for not helping.

    He is breast fed & when he naps during the day the wife feeds him off to sleep and leaves him asleep on her. She won’t put him down because he’ll wake up.

    I can’t help but think that isn’t helping. Think we will have serious issues at 6 months when we try & put him in his own room at night. Currently he (doesn’t) sleep in a crib next to wife & eventually she’s moves him into the bed with her where he sleeps slightly better.

    Worry we’ve got a very clingy baby but I dare not say it!!
     
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  16. Daz_Blade

    Daz_Blade Registered User

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    Thank you - I'll certainly try my best. I cried at my wedding when she walked down the aisle so I've got no doubt in my mind that I'll be the same when our girl is born.

    I feel like I've read everything I can on labour to try and help but I don't know how well it'll go in real life :D

    My friend and his wife had very similar problems in terms of night time, without the night shifts. They have similar arguments but they keep reminding themselves that they're not mad at each other, it's just the frustration of the situation.

    Someone other than me would probably be able to offer advice on what to do... I'd be reading with keen interest!
     
  17. Si Robin

    Si Robin Cheltenham Spa - Ra ra ra

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    I can't help with the baby not sleeping - I've had three with my wife (now 8 and twins that are nearly 2) and fortunately they've all been good at going down to sleep. I do think you may be on to something with the clingy-ness though.

    The issue we have at the moment is that the twins will not sleep past 5ish. Sometimes they'll go to half 5, but more often than not it's earlier.

    One piece of advice I will give, and I'm sure you're already clear on this, just let your wife vent. You will feel beaten up and unappreciated, but I daresay the reason she's biting your head off is because of exhaustion and nothing else. I think as a husband all you can do is let her know you're there as a punch bag if needs be.


    @Daz_Blade what you're going through is perfectly normal mate. One nugget I will give is that it is never as hard as you think it will be. Also, becoming a father is the most amazing feeling in the World. Embrace it. No-one is ever truly ready, and things will always come up trumps in the end.
     
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  18. Sandsy

    Sandsy Formerly known as manojob

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    When you want to get married in a country you are not a citizen of, you need a lot of proof from your embassy you are not already married.
     
  19. Canary Fairy

    Canary Fairy Bring me sunshine :)

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    I think you can do all the reading and preparing in the world, and it’s helpful, of course, but when it happens you just go with it. In my experience the midwives are amazing and will put you at ease and deliver your little bundle safely :)

    Don’t forget we need name and weight ASAP after birth :D
     
  20. Canary Fairy

    Canary Fairy Bring me sunshine :)

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    Sleep deprivation is just horrible.

    My daughter has two girls aged 3 and 11 months. One is getting up for a wee and not settling again and one is teething and not settling again. They’re not even up together.

    They’re both knackered and son in law starts work at 5am and daughter works 3 days a week.
     

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