I have a cousin (he's actually the brother of the cousin that died through drinking) who many years ago used to turn up at my mums house (we lived around the corner) with a can of Special Brew every single night, just one can he'd have each night. I said to him he'd end up an alchy to which he laughed off....few months later he started bringing two cans a night, once again I warned him and asked had he not realised how this can/two cans have just become a norm for him and with that he's already a borderline alchy...once again he laughed it off. A few more months later he was a fully blown alcoholic, we had to pick him up from the hospital a couple of times, walked into the room to see him lying there in a pool of piss, absolutely sozzled (This was a lad that in the past was an extremely handsome, well dressed, had girls galore chasing after him, etc so we're not talking some Jeremy Kyle/Hull lad gimp here btw) and this had all started with that nightly one can of Special Brew...as you say, the perception by some ignorant knobheads that alchys down bottles and bottles a day is so dated...alcoholism is when alcohol becomes the norm for you, if you need that drink every day to get by then you are an alcoholic...just as a smackhead is if he needs a hit each day. Luckily he's dry now and has been for about five years. Even his other brother (there were three lads) had a scrape with alcoholism and the weird thing is, this cousin, the third one, never touched a drop of ale before he was say mid 40's...he never ever drank despite being into clubbing, especially the rave scene, he just drank orange juice, which was great because he drove a Jeep and was often our drive home from the clubs knowing he was as sober as a judge. Anyway, later in his life he got a job as a taxi driver (still, never drank in his life) he then unfortunately had a heart attack, not fatal, but enough to keep him off work and told he couldnt go back for 6 months or until he passed a medical...this, for the first time in his life, drove him to drink, he spent a few months spiraling towards being a alcoholic, luckily he snapped out of it, the fact he was never a drinker earlier on probably saved him. But these three brothers, all different characters, all different circumstances showed me it can happen to anyone and how devastating alcohol can be. Anyone, absolutely anyone can become an alcoholic.
My best mate's sister has just died from booze. I've known her since I was four. She was on her deathbed, survived and then carried on drinking after the fact. It's a tough cycle to escape.
My mother is an alcoholic. Tried to kill herself twice these past 6 months with an overdose. She won't escape it and I've learned to accept that. Doesn't make it any easier, she was my rock through a very tough time. I know she will fall to it though. My sister tried tough love but I think that made it worse. You can only be supportive but it's fiirmly out of your control.
Yup as I said earlier, my dad got dry and went to AA for decades, chairing meetings and such, before something happened one day which we were never privy too, (we think he was assaulted or robbed which for a guy in the past who could take care of himself and was a black belt in two different karate styles, would've took him hard - if so) and then hit the bottle again. Now the thing was, he didn't drink a lot, but due to his previous alcoholism years and years back, his body had never truly healed, so it didn't need a lot to do him physical damage. In the end he got pancreatitis and that was that. We got told he would be going into palliative care one morning, and just before we went to visit him in the hospital about an hour after getting the call, he passed, all alone which would've terrified him as he was a very anxious person in the last few years. The point is, you can be supportive, but if the person doesn't want help, there is nothing you can do for them.
How old was your father at the time, if you don't mind the question? Alcohol is a physical drug, like heroin. There's always the path back and the user always returns to that previous dose like nothing's changed. Sorry about your father, Saltire.
67. Tbf, he survived a lot of his friends, who fared a lot worse and died younger. He had a partner in his forties before he started AA and they shared a bottle of vodka one night, and she choked on her vomit in her sleep. That hit him hard; and another friend who he was close to when they both started going to Buddhism meetings (to still their racing minds no doubt), after one meeting, dropped my old man off, said bye to him; then was found dead in his car the following day, after committing suicide - and nobody knew. He did get a lot of help and support, especially from my sister; though I distanced myself from him in the last few years as I knew the path he was going down and I couldn't go through it all again, and I told him so and that he was being selfish especially as my sister and myself were getting on with our lives and I thought he'd want to be a part of that. However he always shut his feelings up and hid away in panic and anxiety, and after what happened with his friend, he must've thought to hell with it all; and no matter what was said to him, he would ignore it. It was his life, no one can tell you how to live or die it.
It's an awful shame what it can do to people. She left behind 4 kids, one 26, one 20, one 12 and another 8. The two little ones I feel especially sorry for, as she moved down south with them for ages before moving back up here and back in with their Dad when she was ill from the booze. She stopped drinking, was doing well and then suddenly started again, she wound up in hospital with (I believe) liver failure which they got back under control, unfortunately she went off and carried on drinking like it was nothing, now she's dead, leaving them behind and the two little ones with a Dad they barely saw for about 4-6 years (not sure on exact time frame). Don't get me wrong, he's a good guy and will do anything for anyone, but the kids hardly knew him for years, it's got to be difficult.
Its life mate, warts and all. Got to try and keep your head above the water or else you can easily drown.
Ha, my mum's got into Buddism recently. She was a staunch Christian beforehand. What's happened to your father is awful and understandable given those hardships. Seems life just kept shitting on him. My mother's stems from feeling unloved by her mother, it just won;t go away and there's no cure. She put my sister and I through a tough time but we both came out well. My sister tried the authoritarian approach and it nearly ended in disaster. I feel ashamed to say that I didn;t visit her thorugh the second suicide attempt. I felt affronted, going through a split and doing my fianls. Still haunts me. That's horrible to read. It just doesn't end. From experience with my mate's sister and my mum, you can't continue to beat yourself up over it. I had to suspend a full honours run at uni because I broke down. I turned up a month before the last month and my mum abused me, drunk, calling me worthless and stupid. I fell to bits and couldn't handle it. Made me feel small. Doesn't negate my love for her.
Yeah my dad was very religious and brought up a catholic, though my mum was a protestant. He had loads of books on religion, and was open to all sorts of stuff; and was a very interesting guy in his younger days. He loved science, especially astronomy and would build telescopes and used to chair astronomical meetings and go to lectures on it. He is definitely where I get my own love of science and astrophysics from; and we'd have great talks on it all and many other subjects he was very learned in. He owned hundreds of books so had an inquiring, but troubled mind. He was very open to the ideas and philosophy of Buddhism and became a member of the SGI in Dundee when it started up in the late nineties. My sister was going through a rough patch at the time, and she started going, and it has helped change her life as she still does it, and met her Italian husband through it too. For a while it definitely helped him, but he started going off the rails and would then miss meetings, and thats when things started spiralling for him. I share a lot of the positive and negative traits of my dad; but I also try and keep those negative thoughts and feelings at bay. Its a struggle, but I try and then look on the other side and see how my gran (his mother) was completely different, and lived and loved her life all the way to 101. If I just look into my own doubts, then that only leads to despair; and alcohol will only make that worse, which is why I limit it even though I adore my malts! Sorry to hear about your own issues there mate. Guilt is something we have to deal with, I struggle with it myself due to my ennui.
HA, my mum was Catholic and my dad protestant, don't think that mattered though. My parents loved and cared for me but were never interested in what I was doing. My mum actually put me down when I got a job plumbing at 16 because I was earning more than her. My dad tried to get me into things, like cars, but I never enjoyed it. My dad is the kindest man I know but is averse to helping his wife by talking through matters. I feel guilty whenever I drink, and I also do drugs, but I've taken responsibility for that. Used to blame it on her.
It is funny how some parents try to influence your life even if you never wanted to go down that path. Both my parents made the decision not to bring me or my sister up in any form of the church; though we'd go to both factions at times and I did go to a protestant primary school before going to a catholic secondary. They let us decide for ourselves, and seeing kids forced into religion is a bane of mine to this day. My dad got forced into a career he didn't want either; he loved science and wanted to pursue astronomy; but because engineering was a huge thing in Scotland in those days, it was deemed a great career to have. Nothing worse than being forced into doing something you don't really want to do. Anyway, I'm diverging. Alcohol and drugs affect not only the user, but family and friends around them. I'm wondering if we got a magic pill to fix the dependence, would that work for some people, or would they just find other ways to do damage?
I was never forced into anything. I take your point on Scottish career paths though. It was either the shipyards or another form of engineering for my father. He was into drums and guitar when he was younger but was discouraged due to necessity. Sad, and makes me feel fortunate to have had options.
Bloody hell, you think you've had a hard life and everyone elses has been a piece of piss until you read some of the life stories of users on here. Some pretty harsh times you two have been through
I have been more than fortunate in life and certainly won't blame my mother for holdiingme back. I bet my life there are far worse off on here.
These I will try, thank you There’s some very sad stories on this thread, guys I really have had a fortunate life on the whole compared x
Like a lot of people that have posted I've known lads that basically ruined their lives and caused untold amounts of damage to their families because of drink. The thing that changed my perception of what alcoholism is was when my ex partner told me after living together for 6 years that she was an alcoholic. There is always a lot said about people being in denial about their alcohol intake and/or dependence, honestly I was the only person in denial when she mentioned it to me and said she wanted to address it. She was so far from my perception at the time of what an alcoholic was that I had a trouble believing it. I can honestly say that in the 17 years we were together that I only saw her p****d on 2/3 occasions. I'm now of the opinion that it's basically the frequency and not the quantity that should be used to determine whether you have a problem with drink. My ex drank every day starting at 5/6 o'clock at night, the quantity was negligible really (which is why I had such a hard time accepting it) but that was every single day of her life. I think the reason the we have such a problem is because it's culturally and socially acceptable for young people to go out and get p****d, it's almost a right of passage. In my day it was only lads but from what I've seen women have demanded equality and it probably applies to them as well today. I'm not sure where I read it, probably in one of the pamphlets or books my partner brought home when she was struggling to address her drinking, but even as far back as Roman times, we were known for being drunks, so it's hardly a new thing and with it being so deeply ingrained I haven't got a clue how you'd go about addressing it. Just as a footnote, to the poster that said it's alright to have a drink when your feeling down/miserable, imo that's precisely the wrong time to have a drink. I think far to many people start using drink to mask problems with/in their lives, its way to easy for that to become a crutch and before you now it your needing drink just to feel normal.
