I think it's over 250 days off it now ,but to be truthful I just cant be @rsed counting anymore. As far as I'm concerned if I'd have told myself prior to giving it up that Christmas would have been an achievable target then I would have endured a full blown panic attack right there on the spot.
This might sound a bit mad ,but some days when I look in the mirror I'm not sure whose looking back at me ,it's like all my past memories have been lived out by a total stranger and then on other days I vaguely recall the face looking back at me from the mirror as the one I used to wear when I was untainted by life and it's excesses. It's a face I'm comfortable with at the minute ,but part of me is convinced it's simply a mask and that terrifies me girl. I told you it was mad ,but Hell I've never claimed to be sane
makes perfect sense the old you and the new you are the same person - new you has an experience and a victory the old you was yet to have and fearful of but you’ve got there by simply working to get through tomorrow. You’ve grown, you’ve learned and you’ve succeeded and old you is in awe of new you like the rest of us are. Like someone who has lost a lot of weight being able to see those changes yourself when you look in a mirror is almost impossible imperceptible because the change is something you see every day even many times and day it blurs together and seeing the change becomes hard. Find a picture of you from last year take a new one of you now and put them side by side. My money is on you looking happier, healthier and in better shape
It's just me being paranoid I guess ,I just overthink everything and run through every scenario of how it could all go wrong. I just need to stop questioning myself because that invariably doesn't end well. Thanks Trace x
I have not logged in here for a long time for many convoluted reasons, however, when I saw this I could not help but chime in. You've done fantastically well. Literally my name is Rich and I am an alcoholic. I also stopped counting at some point, I don't remember when but I stopped drinking in 2018 - I remember my first Christmas / NY without it in the UK and that was a challenge, I kind of isolated myself. I can relate to the panic associated with considering the "forever scenario"- I'd just say break it down into consumable parts (like a big project into smaller tasks) - we cannot change the rest of our lives today, we can make sure we get head on pillow without booze today. At your disposal, and for that matter anyone else. I have overcome both booze and coke, but had to go to rehab and address some painful childhood realities to do so. You're doing amazingly well ! It is better this way, right? God bless. ----------- To everyone here... Often in my thoughts but I had to maintain minimum safe distance from many things in the UK. , I hope you are all good and well. I might ease myself back in, I cannot call myself a football fan any more though, could I ever justifiably (Brian?) ? haha
Thanks for that post and the honesty contained in it Rich. This is my second fight as the first was my addiction to coke ,I think I'm doing fine until I read posts like yours ,I'm going to be honest here ,the thought of racking up the years of abstinence you talk about fills me with fear. It took me three of the longest and most drawn out years to shelve the beak ,but again if I'm honest taking the coke was just a vehicle to ensure my life never slowed down enough for me to be allowed to think ,it was like a door pass to walk into party after party. Eventually I just swapped it for throwing enough drink down my neck to fill a hotels bath tubs. I think in hindsight I would have been better served 'like yourself' getting help for both. Take care Rich and once again thanks for your post .
I appreciate your response and honesty also. I think the racking up the years is too much for us to comprehend, so I would avoid it and concentrate on today only. You clearly know the road and its challenges. It is really interesting that you did away with coke first, I kind of did that a few times and failed, not realising that I was an alcoholic and kept bargaining with myself. I thought I was free and then during the pandemic I had a very toxic work situation and got trapped overseas and snapped and coke absolutely consumed me, I went to rehab off by own bat here in Brazil - I don't crave any of it now, I do fancy a glass of wine with dinner sometimes but don't dare as I have filled up a few bathtubs in my time If you're struggling and want to chat, please don't hesitate to reach out.
Lovely to see you, too ! I hope you are well and lovely to see you're still here and I hope you have a lovely Christmas !
Thanks Rich ,I had nowhere else to go with the beak fella ,I'd pushed everyone away that loved me and the only step left was the recognition that I needed help. I don't need to tell you because you've probably been through the same scenarios ,but walking around some random house and rooms in the realization you don't recognize a single person and then standing in the back kitchen of that same house at 7am in the morning tweaking off your tits and you're watching someone lying prone on the floor just talking away looking up at you like that shit is f*cking normal. I'd even pay for girls to come around and it wasnt always for sex, it was just so they would have a line with me and the party wouldn't end ,that's how bad the fear of it all ending was mate enough was never enough.
Christmas was tough ,Boxing day even tougher ,I honestly cant believe I've left them in my wake without succumbing to the occasion and they're both firmly behind me now. Temptations in abundance ,so the trip to a cold Turf Moor with the lads was more than welcome. I think a plan is in order for New Years because the festive has been torturous. Have a good New Year everyone and once again thanks for all the support given on these boards.
I compared photos Trace and in the earlier one I picked everyone in the photo is smiling ,funny thing is I noticed my mate who this year had to have his wife sectioned wasnt. It's unbelievable how not one of us picked up on his obvious anxiety and yet it's clear to see in the photo , I guess the saying a camera never lies is a true one if you look hard enough. As for myself I'm smiling but again if you study it closely enough the same worry is clearly etched on mine ,even through the mask of a smile. I compared it to one that was taken in a restaurant after the wife had been given the all clear and the difference is clear. I genuinely have the look of someone whose just won the lottery and I look a lot healthier, whereas the pic from a year ago looks like I've got the faintest yellow cast to my face ,I don't know whether its the lighting in the pub a summer tan that's fading or the start of liver problems but in terms of casts I'm like f*cking Marleys ghost now ,completely tan free but yes looking a hell of a lot fitter and surprisingly younger.
My eldest has very recently turned 18, and trying to share the wisdom of things to do and don't do when it comes to alcohol didn't go down well. I do like to have a drink now and again, usually a new craft beer or a drop of Whiskey but she had two pints before I had even finished one..kids these days don't seem to savour the flavours etc.
