Footballforums.Net Awards Ceremony 2008 (RESULTS)

OptimusPrime · Jan 5, 2009

Let's see it!

SpursLegend · Jan 5, 2009

Yep, we want to see it

Hashtag55 · Jan 5, 2009

Need the go ahead from AF first

OptimusPrime · Jan 5, 2009

He gave the go ahead in a post that you quoted.

mattledud · Jan 5, 2009

Post now, ask questions later.

Chelsea Blue · Jan 5, 2009

F*cking do it now it's been built up!

Astoundingfooty · Jan 5, 2009

YA GO AHEAD.

Hashtag55 · Jan 5, 2009

EVERYONE ENJOY

Good morning administrators, this is Astoundingfooty sending you his votes for the upcoming FF Awards, as you can probably guess from my e-mail address. Unfortunately, I am locked out of FF premises until after Christmas, because I was a bit naughty. Honestly, I was only trying to create a bit of debate as it was getting a bit dull at times. I will be a loss of Rabelaisian proportions during this 7-day exile. It is also a gargantuan shame that one does not possess the ability to vote for him/herself for any category, especially me, because I feel that I am most deserving of the majority of the coveted, prestigious awards, and it is going to be a great challenge to extract a luminary from the cesspit that lies below me. I shall do my best, however, so on with the voting I go.

The Categories:

FF User of the Year
The obvious choice for this accolade is naturally myself, but thanks to this irritating rule, I shall be mandated to delve into the murky swamp below me and attempt to unearth something. With me around, other FF users look decidedly miniscule on the scale of relativity, but if you take me out, you will find some pretty decent posters on FF. My eventual choice is somebody who posts very regularly (could be classed as a 'post whore'), but not just to up his post count. This person puts thought, quality and fairness into his posts, but he can combine this by being scalding and condescending (which I like) and also funny. After much deliberation, I have selected Chelsea Blue as my vote for this category.

Best forum.
The reigning champion, League One, is unfortuantely experiencing a steady decline. This has been unfortunately caused by the departure of fans of promoted and relegated teams to forums above and below this one. It has become a little quiet at times, which is why I created a duplicate account to try and spark a bit of debate, which worked, to be fair. I would say there are two other forums in which I post seriously on a fairly consistent basis, which are The Premier League and Current Affairs. The PL forum is, sadly, overflowing with uneducated little oiks who fail to grasp the concept of basic grammar, and thus my vote goes to Current Affairs.

Best Signature (Maker).
I am just starting out at this Photoshop lark, and in good time, will undoubtedly become a top-notch graphic artist, perhaps usurping the current elitists in the process. I am not quite the finished article yet, however, meaning I shall have to be a man and accept this, and cast my vote elsewhere. There are some cracking graphic artists/signature makers who frequent FF, it must be said, so choosing somebody for this award was a very painful and laborious task, but not for its usual reasons of me being streets ahead of the others. After much deliberation, I narrowed it down to just two, and have decided to plump for Aesthetic Relic. He has a nice username, too.

User most likely to be gay.
I will undoubtedly receive a few nominations for this award; in fact, reading Flood This from the outside, I have noticed that some weird, legendary 14-year-old Scot has chosen me. At the risk of shattering the dreams of many an FF user, I am actually not gay. I am 100% straight, and can back this up by boasting a girlfriend. Enough of that, anyway. There was that Cambridge weirdo who got 60% in a gay test but he's not exactly in the closet, let's be honest, so I can't say he's 'most likely' to be a gayer. There are plenty of potential homosexuals scattered around FF, though, so choosing the shining star is once again difficult. I'm going for Ollie*CUFC; I've a funny feeling about him.

Thread of the year.
This is another category which deprives me, because anybody with any sense would know that my mammoth preview on how the League One 2008/09 season would pan out, is by far the thread of the year. Look, here it is:- http://www.footballforums.net/forums...d.php?t=175985 Alas, I am unable to vote for that. There have been a fair few good threads which I remember this year, but I can't quite remember what they are exactly i.e. their names, location etc. Perhaps it's just me typing out this e-mail at such an ungodly hour, but one that immediately springs to mind is the latest masterpiece of DAM0Ni - For A Grand...

FF award for criminal spelling and grammar.
Anyone who sees me posting on FF will quickly become aware that bad spelling and grammar is a real pet hate of mine, and believe me there are some awful spellers on FF, and just as many idiots who have no basic concept of English grammar, and it really, really, really, really irks me. My vote for this is going the same way as it did last year, to a very annoying, chavvy, uneducated Scouse little tart who probably plays truant a lot. That doesn't narrow it down much, does it? Nope. OK, to stop beating around the bush, his name is ac_me_nan.

User most likely to be a virgin.
I expect votes for this category as well, but there are plenty of virgins on FF, you can tell. You know what? I'm feeling rather brave and corageous, with the middle of the night supplying me with adrenaline, so I'm going to reveal to you that I am in fact a virgin. Hopefully not for too much longer, but who'd have thought it, eh? I don't know if I am 'most likely' to be a virgin, though. I've narrowed it down to a couple; Ollie*CUFC is most certainly a virgin so my vote isn't going to him, but rather to C@rl. I mean, did you see his thread which complained about the apparent decline of Flood This over the years?! He put so much heart and thought into it as well, bless him. Somebody needs to get him a tape for Christmas that has only the following recorded on it: "IT'S A MESSAGE BOARD ON THE INTERNET YOU COMPLETE ****ING SADACT."

User most in need of a good lay.
Isn't this pretty much the same as the category above? No, you say. Ah well, I'll have to do a bit of thinking. C@rl and Ollie*CUFC are the obvious choices for me again, but wait, here comes something huge streaking forward from the distance...it begins to glisten in its wetness (caused by the seawater around it, before you start picking up on inuendos) combined with its position under the sun. It's a shark! Not just any old shark, but a great_white. Let's be honest, his lack of action is making him a little tedious now, isn't it?

FF Numpty of the year.
(Formerly 'User most likely to be Berks').
Again, I am pretty much spoilt for choice here. I'd imagine that some cynical or cheeky bugger will put me forward for this, but no way will I win it. By the way, does the winner of this award get banned? I certainly hope not, because numpties are good to have around forums, in my opinion, purely for entertainment purposes. Anyhow, to cut a long story short, I'm being a right miserable bastard and selecting DAM0Ni for this one. Don't get rid of him, though, he does have tremendous potential to become an FF legend!

Deluded User of the year award.
Two names have leapt straight to the top of my head for this one. Actually, that is incorrect, they are so obvious that they leap out of my skull and present themselves right in front of my eyes. Good old superyids never fails to disappoint eager viewers with his wild fantasies, and I have to say I find them brilliant myself, but it only requires a modicum of intelligence to deduce that he is in fact on a wind-up. On the other hand, those who frequent the L1 forum will notice the superbly misguided ramblings of Gloucester_red. You should see him! He reckons Cheltenham will get into the League One playoffs next season and be a Championship club in a couple of years' time! Bloody hell, talk about delusions of grandeur. Imbecilic prat.

Funniest User.
I'm pretty witty myself, as you can tell by this e-mail I'm currently composing, but FF does possess a lot of funny users, to its credit. There is one that sticks out among all others, however, and even more so now that dan_19 has been forever banished from the kingdom for having a slightly loose tongue, and believe me he'd be a shoe-in for this award if he was still with us. This is a more than worthy replacement, though, who uses sarcasm (which isn't always the lowest form of wit) and the novelty of internet humour to outstanding effect. His name is 'Uddersfield, if you hadn't already guessed. Bravo, chap; I look forward to more installments of your humour in 2009.

User most knowledgable about football.
Seriously, anybody who fails to opt for me as their choice for this category is a complete and utter ****wit. Unfortunately, there are quite a few ****wits on FF, so I'm not banking on coming first in this, especially as I seem to upset a few people with some of my controversial opinions, and some of us don't like controversy. It's barely controversy, by the way, it's just the right bloody answer! It's extremely painful choosing somebody other than me as most knowledgeable, because they are all many, many rungs below me on the ladder. I have managed to arrive at a decision, though, and anybody who reads the murky depths of the Non-League forum will know that Hants_Pilgrim has more than a clue what he's on about.

Asset to FF for work done.
As much as I'd love to win this, getting banned a couple of times is hardly productive to FF, so there are members out there who are more deserving than me. I can't be bothered to calculate who's done what, however, so I'm just going to select the easy option here, which is StretfordEnd, though WhoIzzet deserves the utmost credit for the work he puts into the Gimps XI, which keeps us all entertained, and I'm proud to be a Head Scout for the team! I love his username as well, but just to reiterate, my vote is going to StretfordEnd.

Laziest Moderator.
Sometimes you don't realise that FF has moderators! I suppose that is a good thing, though, as they don't feel the need to get involved and turn the place into a dictatorship (*COUGH* SILVERFOX *COUGH*) but merely take a back seat and let things flow, only making interventions when needed. There is, of course, only one winner of this award, however, so I'm going to nominate him just for the sake of it, and you really wouldn't know he's a mod. I give you DShamen. Shamen, I have a question to ask you - r u a m0d3rat0r?

Best Moderator.
The best moderator could also be the laziest moderator, because of the approach they decide to take, but I'll nominate somebody else to spread my votes around. Personally, I'd make a cracking moderator, but I'm not one at the minute, so my vote must go elsewhere (well it must anyway). Because I feel sorry for him by choosing you over him for the work done award, I think WhoIzzet is the best moderator. WI, r u a m0d3rat0r? U m0$t c3rta1nly r a m0d3rat0r!

Best fans.
FF has a good number of good sets of fans, to be fair. It remains a mystery to me how some clubs can have so many fans registered on FF yet be so consistent in the sense that they are all good posters. There are a few clubs who fit this description, but the one who fits it most I feel is Tottenham Hotspur. An honourable mention must go to Nottingham Forest, who have a cluster of members who are very intellectual and witty, and know their stuff about football.

Worst fans.
Unfortunately, for every class set of fans, there's an absolutely stinking one as well. I could nominate Cheltenham Town but that would be too easy, and so would nominating Liverpool and Manchester United with their respective collections of dickheads. Actually, bollocks to that, because I can't think of anyone else, so I am nominating Cheltenham Town. Apologies to the decent CTFC fans out there, as there are a few.

Off Topic User of the year.
I would consider myself a good user in this area, and had he not got himself banned, dan_19 would have won this award by a country mile. I've managed to narrow things down to two users, and they are Davy Gravy and mattledud. As I am planning on nominating the Scot in later fields, my vote goes to mattledud.

Premiership User of the year.
On the increasingly infrequent visits I take to this forum, I always produce quality posts which drown out the drivel from the excessive mindless morons on there. I probably don't post enough on there, however, even though one of your own fans (Stret) said I should, because I was that amazing. Anyhow, because I find him very entertaining, Brianlfc gets my vote.

Championship User of the year.
Pah, this forum really is as dull as dishwater, so I can't really say too much. I could abstain from voting, but that really is for gimps. Quirkafleeg seems the obvious choice, but I'm going for somebody I remember from a division below, who is new to the CCC this season, and it may only be a brief stay. My vote goes to the legendary Custard. I love him.

League One User of the year.
I should be the winner of this by the distance from Pluto to the sun, because I am the most amazing person ever. There are some good other users in League One, however, and I am obliged to select one of them for this most coveted accolade. In fact, I am finding this extremely difficult due to the high quality on show. By a hare's bredth, my nomination is my good mate Jockney.

League Two User of the year.
League Two is another forum I don't really visit much, so it is very difficult for me to choose. The obvious choices would be the Wycombe and Bournemouth lot, but there is some other quality on show. In a shock twist, I may have to cast a joint vote here. In fact, the vote is going to be a six-way one. My selected six are as follows: BARNETFAN1; Mad_Hatter; sandman; Berks_Wanderer; Pazz_AFCB; Bournemouth_Ryan. There you go.

Non League User of the year.
This is a straight fight between two hardcore Boston United supporters, Scotty Walds and Hants_Pilgrim. Due to the fact that the former of these two is a complete idiot, Hants_Pilgrim is the worthy winner of this. I nearly nominated great_white, before I remembered he was no longer eligible for this award.

Scottish user of the year.
This part of the forum is so insignificant to me that I can't be arsed to make a long essay about my nomination for this award. Could it be anyone else other than gers_fan1? No, it couldn't.

Irish user of the year.
I care even less about this part of the forum, so how can I go on a rant about it?! I'm choosing somebody who I like and probably the only one I know who posts in this section. That someone is Irish White.

Most likeable User.
Everyone loves me, so I should easily be most likeable. I have to say I do like, nay, love, nay, adore most of the posters on FF. I guess it could show how sad I am, but I prefer to look at it as me being a compassionate individual. This is such a difficult one to pick, and because I haven't picked these two for anything else yet, I'm going for a shared award between Eddie_SCFC, MFCMark~ and DonnyBob. Really, words are unable to describe or express how much I love this splendid, spiffing trio.

Best overseas User.
Bloody foreigners, I dunno. I suppose anyone could win this, even myself, because I'm everywhere. As much as I disagree with the majority of what he says with regards to politics, zippy seems a good bloke, even if he is a ****ing German.

User most likely to be someone else.
Me, obviously, because I create duplicate accounts and get banned for it. Somebody else who did this and argued with himself is 51andCounting, which is a very amusing story, but surely this award has got to go to C-T-F-C Warlord, who is a pure, 100% certified legend, isn't he?

Best newcomer.
Whilst a lot of idiots have joined FF in the year 2008, there have been some rough diamonds unearthed. I could vote for DAM0Ni, but he's still a bit of an idiot. DonnyBob joined this year but it seems like he's been around forever, and Jammy Dodger and Juanderful are two who deserve mentions at the very least. However, could the best newcomer award really go to anybody else other than this lad? No, of course it ****ing well couldn't! If you're too thick to have not yet clocked on as to whom I'm referring, it's Davy Gravy of course!!!! I have to say I was well tempted to take away this vote for him after he said I was most likely to be gay, the bastard!

Member you'd most like to meet in real life.
How can I vote in this one? I'd love to meet anyone on FF. Literally anyone. I'm afraid I'm going to have to make my first ever abstention, except it's not really an abstention as it's a vote going to THE ENTIRE POPULATION OF FOOTBALLFORUMS.NET.

I believe that concludes...no wait, it doesn't. There is more to come from me.

AF's Other Awards:

Sexiest FF User
Astoundingfooty

Best Body
Astoundingfooty

Biggest John Ward basher and thus dickhead
Ollie*CUFC

Most Improved User
Hackney18

Best Footballer
Astoundingfooty

2nd Best Footballer
OffertonHatter

Biggest Softie Tart (but also legend)
OffertonHatter

FF LEGEND of 2008
Davy Gravy

Most Pessimistic Fans
Leyton Orient

Quote of the Year
"Cheltenham are ****ing shit!" - Astoundingfooty

Prediction of the Year
N/A

Best Contribution in CA Forum
Never Alone

TUT
Kelly_Owls

Miserable Bastards of the Year
No-One Likes Us and Blackpool_O

All I can think of for now.

Cheers Adm1n1$tr@t0r5!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. (oh and can I be unbanned early for taking the trouble to write such a huge e-mail?!)

Love,

AF

x
Click to expand...

OptimusPrime · Jan 5, 2009

Best email I have ever seen.

I love you AF.

Chelsea Blue · Jan 5, 2009

Only AF would write a f*cking essay... I feel sorry for gers.

C@rl · Jan 5, 2009

I'm not sure that FF care about his life story?

Kelly_Owls · Jan 5, 2009

I love you AF, the TUT award! I'm so proud.

Hashtag55 · Jan 5, 2009

After that email... i wanted his autograph...

Superb, and how long did it take AF?

Chelsea Blue said: ↑

Only AF would write a f*cking essay... I feel sorry for gers.
Click to expand...

No need mate.. it was an honour to be the 1st person to read it...

I think it needs published tbh!

mattledud · Jan 5, 2009

I read it. You spelt innuendo wrong, you prick.

C@rl · Jan 5, 2009

"I mean, did you see his thread which complained about the apparent decline of Flood This over the years?! He put so much heart and thought into it as well, bless him. Somebody needs to get him a tape for Christmas that has only the following recorded on it: "IT'S A MESSAGE BOARD ON THE INTERNET YOU COMPLETE ****ING SADACT"

This is coming from the retard that has just written an essay on how much he loves FF, and that he came back to FF whilst banned.

Hmmm i'm really the sadact.

OptimusPrime · Jan 5, 2009

Wouldn't you do the same?

I did....

C@rl · Jan 5, 2009

No, it gives me a reason to stay away to this addictive site.

Chelsea Blue · Jan 5, 2009

Wassamatta C@rly boy did AF not nominate you?

Hashtag55 · Jan 5, 2009

C@rl · Jan 5, 2009

He did, actually.

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